SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

"FREEZE!" the new exotic spider dance by (me!) sandra, tvgp

yes,

and so i was doing laundry..

if you can possibly imagine

folding laundry. alone in the house, comcast music source station on, david gray providing a little background music to soothe the soul

singin' along, like.. "a moment.. a moment changes everything.."

all the clean warm clothes, (of every color, by the way, because, who gives a shit really) piled on one side of the couch. me standing near the middle.. reach over, grab a top, or towel, or whatever's next from the pile on the write, fold, fold, fold; stack in the pile i created on the left side of the couch

had a beautiful rhythm going..

then decided to add a dance move in.. do a little twirl between the foldings, and when i turned around..

"holy mother of our good God, Jesus! -what is that?"

took a few steps back.. "what are you!?"

took a few more steps back "do you move? -no, no, no, don't move.. even if you do!"

took one baby step in.. "are you alive? are you dead?"

three giant steps back

"my God.. you are like.. GIANT.. what the hell are you?"

whatever it was, it wasn't moving.. but it was obviously breathing, because there was some movement, very minute..

and i thought maybe my voice scared it as shitless as it scared me, and so it was in its own freeze state

..it's probably more scared of you, than you are of it..

that would be impossible. but nice try; nice try

and it's tricky growing old, side by side, with your phobias because, as you age, your vision declines, you see.. you see with less certainty. less ability to define the edges of things..

so, the only way i could really determine from what continent on earth, this giant exotic, poisonous, deadly creature came from was to get closer.

so i took two more baby steps in.. "don't you move!"

and that's write about when my knees locked me in position, as they always do, when faced with giant, black, 12-legged creepy crawly heavy breathing unidentifiable creatures from the black spitoon

"are you a beetle?!"

he had, what appeared to be a shiny black, winged-shell covering, with a split down the middle

similar in design, i thought, to a ladybug.. only much, MUCH BIGGER UGLIER AND MORE THREATENING

"oh my God! oh my God.. can you fly?!?"

four giant steps backwards

"what the hell are you?! identify yourself to me at once! NEVERMIND, NEVERMIND, NEVERMIND..."

and it came to me, that if i only would flip my reading glasses, which were positioned on my head like a hairband, down, upon my face,

well, this would allow me to get a better look at the deadly assassin

and it flashed in my imagination.. at lightning bolt speed, and in lightning bolt style

exactly how much larger and clearer i would get to see the 16-legged, venom-spitting, skin tormenting, creature sent to murder me if i -MAGNIFIED him with my reading glasses and so,

that's write about when i bolted out the front door, -wearing my traditional fashion-forward mixed-matched polka dot pajama bottoms, disneyland hoodie, tucked under my thick, red, snuggly, doggie-print robe, with my feet bare, (plus unpainted toenails!), unwashed face, unbrushed teeth, unbrushed hair, etc. etc. etc.,

and so mention here, one of the silver-linings, if you will, or, should i say, the fruits of the phobias..

because nothing cures vanity quicker than an irrational fear


so i stood helpless near the sidewalk and searched to the write.. nothing. no one. not a soul to hear my cry.. or see my desperation

i looked to the left..

"SHARON!!!" -hallelujah! thank you Jesus!

there she was, like Mother Mary herself, taking her dog, chester for a life-saving walk down the street; fated as my heroes

"hey.. sharon, -listen, can you help me out.. maybe.. come take a look at this thing by my couch.. i can't see well, i don't know what the hell it is.. i have a spider phobia.. i can't figure out what it is, my knees keep buckling.."

and bless her heart, she came write in, brave and strong and wonderful and true..

chester on leash, for back-up protection...


i pointed to it from about 10 feet away.. "over there, that big black thing" she hesitantly moved closer..

"i can't tell what it is either"

"do you think it's a beetle of some sort?" i asked her

"go get me a paper towel," she said

"you're willing to get that close?" i said in complete shock, "you can just... pick it up? that's amazing to me.."

"i'll just use this magazine" she told me. and reached for a magazine to scoop up whatever this thing was..

she squirmed a little when she made contact, and i jumped in the air

"what is it? what is it? what is it?"

i backed myself up against the closest wall

-then her tone changed, and i knew in an instant, my worry was for naught..

"do you know what this is?" she half laughed, "a piece of foil"

"are you kidding me?"

and sure enough.. it was a crumpled up piece of black foil from a stick of wrigley's 5 "react" gum packs.

it stimulated my senses all write.. [reference there to their marketing campaign ]

and so, with my own two bare hands, i picked the crumpled black foil up from the magazine sharon scooped it up on,

and just to make triple sure, crumpled it up some more.. squished it, and pinched it, and squeezed it super tight in my hand

and then tossed it, carefree, into the trash can.

i thanked sharon and chester for saving my life

and went back to dancing, and singing and folding clothes


"... come on, come on, come on, come on....when a moment... when a moment changes everything.. "

posted by SHE @ 4:59 AM