SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

CENTERPOINTE TESTIMONY the final draft, as shared by (me!) sandra, tvgp

there were a few different incarnations -but this is the final draft as shared by me, sunday, nov 21st, 2010 at centerpointe presbyterian

-and wanna know what i heard Jesus whisper to me on my way home:

"sandra, honey, you wrote the speech, you practiced the speech, you showed up and you gave the speech. that's a 3+ from me"


****


I am sharing my testimony because I want to publically thank God for making a new creature out of me.

let me start by telling you about a few traumas i've endured, and what a broken mess my life once was

at age 6, a masked man broke into our home during the night.. he kidnapped me from my bedroom -carried me through our house, out the back door, and then back into our garage where I was sexually violated, threatened, and then -thank you God- set free

the police were contacted immediately -did fingerprinting & interviews.. and in fact, did learn who the predator was... tracked him down, only to learn that he had already been murdered in a separate conflict.

so this was my introduction to evil... age 6: a masked man breaking into our house in the middle of the night...

my mom did an awesome job helping me navigate through my fears, and with the predator no longer alive.. this at least helped remove fears he would be back to attack me again, as he had threatened

so, it’s yucky, i know... but it would get worse before it got better

at age 16, a man who was not masked.. who in fact, appeared regular, kind, and interested in me.. who i shared almost everything in common with..

well, he in fact, turned out to be a serial date rapists.. telling lies left and right, entrapping females -as he did me. and long story short, he successfully manipulated me into visiting his apartment, which was vacant.. and which is where he raped me... threatened me.. and -thank God- eventually set me free

again, this was reported to the police immediately -turned out, he had been reported several times by others but never brought to court and prosecuted -the police already had his profile & picture in their wanted files

thank you to the support of friends & family & a great d.a. -we did prosecute, and this serial date rapist was sentenced to 20 years in prison -to be deported to his country of origin after he served his sentence, because he was in the u.s. illegally

and know here, it is locked in my brain, that predators –that evil –well, maybe it wears a mask and breaks into your house in the middle of the night, or maybe it wears no mask at all, but lies and manipulates behind a fake smile with fake stories
so, yucky again, i know, but it would still get worse, before it got better

about a year later -i was in a parking lot at the lakeside apartments in san leandro, and as i walking heard footsteps behind me... I turned around only to have a gun shoved in the side of my head

i was kidnapped at gunpoint... covered up/raped/threatened.. only seeing the face of the predator for about 1 second..

this serial rapist -the lakeside rapist- kidnapped and raped a whole string of women in & around san leandro, -murdering his last victim, but was never caught by police

so now.. maybe evil wears a mask and breaks into your house in the middle of the night. or maybe evil wears no mask at all, or maybe evil sneaks up behind you with a gun.

you will not be surprised then, if i tell you that in the aftermath of these traumas -in addition to the few I’m leaving out for the sake of time
my life was quite a big scary mess.

i suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for years... only, at the time, it was not a household word.. so my PTSD went undiagnosed & untreated

but i've always felt i have more in common with war veterans than my fellow mommy friends..


if you looked back on me during the aftermath of these traumas, you would see i mostly functioned -or rather, barely functioned, in one of two states:

1) fear
2) numbness

i smoked several packs of cigarettes a day... and had an eating disorder that lasted several years and resulted in my having over 20 cavities to fill..

i was chronically hypervigilant... falling into fetal position -frozen in fear, when faced with unexpected sounds, or changes of any kind

mess. mess. mess.

broken. broken. broken.

today, however... i can report with much gratitude to God, that i am a genuinely happy, healthy, joyful, playful, creative, peaceful, proud mom of two...

-my double portion- i like to call them... you know for rape victims, the taboos/stigma's leave us with a great deal of shame... it is a very unwarranted, entirely unjustified shame, but shame nonetheless

so i feel particularly fond of the bible passage isaiah 61:7 "instead of shame and dishonor you will enjoy a double portion of prosperity & everlasting joy will be yours" -i like to think of my daughter, and my son, as my double-portion.. my blessings.. my everlasting joy


and i'm also very fond of isaiah 61:3... because I feel i've been given a crown of beauty for my ashes.. joyous instead of mourning.. praised now, instead of shamed & isolated -planted for God's glory

that i have quite literally, been through the fire & am now reborn; i am a very new creature

i do not smoke -haven't for years. and while I don’t have the greatest eating habits, i am entirely free of any & all eating disorders...

i am relatively, but not completely, free of the phobias and PTSD that plagued me for decades

i did not know, during the heart of my suffering, that how peaceful, joyful, alive and free, i feel today, was even humanly possible

and have learned that in fact, it is not "humanly" possible -but that all things are made possible with God..

i'm living testimony of this biblical truth.

so -thank you God- for listening to my prayers -for working through my family, friends, to heal me.. to restore me -to make me a new creature

your promise is fulfilled in me:

romans 8:28 -we know that God causes everything -including suffering- to ultimately, work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

in regard to being someone who does love God, i want to close by sharing that while prayer was and has been a central part of my life for as far back as i can remember -I only began attending church regularly some 4 years ago, thank you to my sister and best friend Karin Montgomery. I went initially to support her, but the messages i heard from Pastor Mike and lessons i learned at what was then -Pleasanton Presbyterian, combined with the warmth and good feel of the people here -kept me returning Sunday after Sunday for more.

and it was not until this past February -Valentines Day, 2010, that I was baptized write here by Pastor Mike, at age 44, and officially, publically gave my heart to Jesus.

It seems the more I learn, the more I want to learn, and some months ago, I added on Monday night bible studies too, where i have met some of the most loving and caring people and bible mentors

i want you to know, i initially found the bible complicated my relationship with God vs. served it... because prayer seem so uncomplicated and direct

but i keep hanging in there

and i am slowing finding that my love for God grows deeper as my knowledge about God increases

in fact, that holds true for all of my loved ones

so, thank you! thank you for making Centerpointe a welcoming environment where i can learn and grow in my relationship with God. Where i can grow my knowledge and understanding of the bible. And Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you today

In Jesus Name, hallelujah & amen

posted by SHE @ 4:56 AM