Monday, February 10, 2020

Dear Dentist, a letter from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

K, so admittedly it's been.. 15? Possibly 20 years since I've been to a dentist office.  And truth be told, the only reason I'm comin' in now is because I'm experiencing chronic low level pain which requires me to chew on only one side of my mouth, and avoid any liquids that aren't room temperature. And I have the love and encouragement of my sexy..   family and friends.  I know i need this pain addressed.  More importantly though, I'm sure my mouth requires more work and therefore more expense..and as I have no dental insurance, that knowledge hurts too, but it's a different kind of pain.
 Anyway..  I entertained the idea very recently, and for the first time, that maybe...

Maybe I should fill out an application and see if there is ANY CHANCE at all that my dental bills could be paid via funds provided by VICTIMS of VIOLENT CRIMES

Because if you review my life experiences, which are well documented within this blog and also within newspaper article

You will learn that:

Age 6 years old I was kidnapped and raped. /predator found by police, already deceased.

Age 16 years old, I was kidnapped and raped.  /predator successfully prosecuted, sentenced to 20 years in prison and to be deported to country of origin upon release.

Age 17 years old, I was the number 2 victim of the Lakeside serial rapist, kidnapped at gunpoint, covered up, raped..  /this predator raped several other women; the victim they labeled #1 committed suicide and the victim they consider his last; he raped and killed, and that's when the pattern broke. this predator remained at large.

And in between, I was in a bank when it was robbed and had a gun pointed write at me during that robbery.

- so, I have been a victim of multiple very violent life threatening crimes.


the advantage of time, maturity, perspective allows us all to see..

the severe eating disorder that manifested in my life..    a direct result of having experienced so much trauma

and the eating disorder positively ruined my teeth..     my mouth holds so much of my traumas..

and I had 20 cavities filled, like 4 and 5 at a time, in my early 20's..

I believe I had dental insurance coverage at that time.  I know I had the best dentist in the whole wide world.  (RIP Bruce Allen DDS)

but, looking back..

I rather think funds from Victims of Violent Crimes would have been appropriately spent had I been allowed to use them

and hang in here a moment with me, while we briefly discuss crimes and money

criminal vs. civil

because, this being 2020,  -the me too, era..   post convictions of celebrities like Bill Cosby..  and Weinstein (sp?)

well, there are a lot of victims of rape, of sexual assault receiving financial settlements..


now, i'll share with you here i am still quite unsettled and in prayer

frequently!  about it..

how, I never was in a position to sue for money, not one of my predators.    actually, never even thought or considered it

rape is a crime; a hideous CRIME    ;   CRIME! CRIME! CRIMINAL not CIVIL...

rape predators belong behind bars where they cannot claim new victims; period.

but..  and so, we have these victims suing in court and winning $$$

so, now..

i can't make sense of it..

let's say you know someone who was raped..

"did a poor man rape you?   is the predator still at large?  you've been raped then, like,  to the second power"

which, in my case..

sorry, in my casES…

no one to financially gain from..

now, i'm left with the thoughts... not only was i a victim of violent crimeS..  but even worse!


my God, are we supposed to consider people who are raped by rich people    -lucky?   should a predator rapist be able to remain in society for a dollar amount?   this is scary stuff

my stomach is churning..  

the place I return to the most in my imagination, is that any financial settlements, any civil cases which result in financial payouts..  the total amount should go to Victims of Violent Crimes Fund  -with a portion to specific victim(s).    it seems to me this would create a disincentive for anyone to claim they were raped, when they were not, just for financial gain..   and it balances out, to some degree, financial aid received by ALL victims, and that amount is no longer attached to the financial status of a given predator/criminal.    it's actually very complicated to think it all through; but I am inclined to think about it thoroughly


back to letter to the dentist,

i have been a student of my own mind during the very long, very hard, very messy, very taxing, healing process

and here's the deal:

i must provide you a script, that whether it is true from your end makes no difference

and here is your script; this is what i require you to say to my mind

"wow!  your mouth and your teeth are in excellent condition when you consider everything they've been through!"

and then,

dear dentist,

you will..   that is, we will, ADDRESS ONE AND ONLY ONE ISSUE AT A TIME.

even if there is more work to be done, i do not..

and I do not want Robert either to know about anything except one thing at a time.

so, this tooth that is in chronic low level pain write now..

let's take just that one...   make an appointment to fix it

i will pay for just that one thing, and when it is paid in full.   we will move on to the next...

but always only one issue at a time.    I know longer have the stamina to sit in a dentist chair for several procedures at a time..

if you can be in agreement and honor this requirement  (it is not a mere request)

then, I will see you soon.

if for any reason it is against your own personal/professional code; i understand and will look to someone else.


In Jesus Name..     amen.


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