SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Do You Know Why Divorces Are So Expensive? by (me! & my dad!)

I am surrendering to the rule of 3...   4...   5.   -fine, then.  I will write about it.    -and it is because within a short time frame, the subject came up in conversations with different people, at different places..   and I usually surrender at 3,

but, I resisted.   but any writer worth their weight in words knows..      if you keep resisting/ignoring trying to skip

and so the earlier you surrender the faster you will get to the next assignment.  -something like that.
master level writers write at 1st signal..    on any/every subject; fearlessly, honestly, candidly, boldly

and most importantly

~immediately.

***

and it is not so much what was being said, but the way..    the thinking; the tone; the obliviousness..

and, just so happens:  all men.  

and what they were saying, each in their own way, but exactly the same thing, was this:

"... and my divorce cost me (variable $ amount here), and (variable # of years here) of  (variable savings/retirement fund here).

and so, its taken me (5, 7, 10, 12... whatever # here) to make up for the loss, and get back to where I would have been..."

***

that kind of thinking.   like,  -similar to having been robbed, stolen from..

Each of these men can tell you a specific dollar amount they lost and ultimately earned back; they can name it..  and tell you how long it took.

***

and at least to my recent experiences and conversations inspiring this post   -each of these men, were in fact, able to financially catch up..    some taking a few more years than others

but, there is this..   underlying resentment in tone that they should ever lose any money at all; and this underlying goal of making damn sure they get back on track after having been robbed; and this underlying sense of achievement when they do..

***

and well, I just hadn't really thought about my own  /most recent, 12 years ago
divorce in those terms

but, I said to Robert, I said something like

"...    I went from being a stay at home mom, in a tri-level, two story home, financially secure; shelter secure..   6 digit income circumstances

to, 3 years at $50,000-ish

followed by a decade living under the poverty level with no health benefits, part time/shift work here; part time shift work there.   minimum wage + a little

here a job, there a job

here a room to rent, there a room to rent..

cash advance to cash advance

paycheck to paycheck

no savings; no retirement..

and, there are a whole lotta women who would love a divorce, but they look at my journey and change their mind..

this is not for everyone...

and, seems ive seen/heard/witnessed severe health issues/crises for women who stay in unhealthy marriages   -and I have no way to prove, but internally know

I saved my health, and my spirit!

but I personally have never really looked back, I have never wondered or tried to put a dollar amount on what the divorce cost me    -how much was stolen..




and, I cannot address this topic without hearing my dad's voice, and close this post with one of his many, many, little fun one-liner jokes he loves to share

dad:   "do you know why divorces are so expensive?"

(me!):  "no... why are they so expensive dad?"

dad: "... because they're worth it!"

posted by SHE @ 8:58 AM