SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Make of this what you will.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

This kind of thing freaks me out! I dont even really know what to do with it, except write it out and sit in awe and wonder:

Two days ago, i get a 3 second flash in my mind, of the face, of a man i went to college with.   Why the sudden flash even, im not sure.  I do not know/cannot remember his name..

But what i did remember is how much he pissed me off with this one comment..  And now, the how/who/what/when exactly, is all lost to me.. Who else was there? No idea..

The only thing i remember is that in an entirely  -what is the word?  Arrogant? Tone..  He was like,   "... Im not going to have to listen to another rape story..."

But the tone!   It went something like..  'Oh please.. Not another woe always me... Havent we heard enough already...'

And ... Well i just hated him instantly.  Didnt say a word, but just locked him in my heart and mind as an asshole and steered clear of crossing his path or being involved in any future conversations..

Rape victims ... When you consider how enormously difficult it is to speak out at all..    -then to have this asshole adding to the mix with his.. 'Cant be bothered with such nonsense..

Well, i did not go to the craft store and spend $18 dollars on the materials to create a voodoo doll look alike to stab with straight pins..

I only spent about $5!  He was not worth $18!

Anyway.. That was that; that is all i really remember: his face; that one comment;   being filled with hate..  And i cant even tell you if i saw him ever again after that.

Fast forward 25+ish years forward to two days ago.. And the 3 second flash..

His face... That one comment.. My hate...

Came and went...   Went on with the rest of my day without giving it or him another thought..

But!  Heres the WILD part:   the very next day.. In real life.. Not my mind.. Guess who i see?!?

Sat down write next to me!   I did not speak to him.. 

It crossed my mind to lean over and say, 'didnt you go to cal state hayward?'   But i never did.. 

We just co-existed at the same table for a short while.

K, but i felt the need to say silently to myself and to Jesus this:

I said.." I forgive him.  "

And i thought about how young (and therefore stupid) he was way back then... And i chalked it up to ignorance not arrogance.

And heres the thing:  i do not KNOW whether im write or wrong, whether he is more mature now or even a greater asshole.

I never spoke to him.

But i chose to privately, internally give the benefit of doubt..

"I forgive him.".      And i left the table.  My guess.. Is that i will never see him again..

And that was that... But! Gets WILDER still! For a spiritualist like me..    -your favorite cussing Christian..   Cuz the very next day after that!

I randomly open the Bible to a random page and start randomingly reading this!:

John 20:21....

Again Jesus said, " Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of anyone, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."

And i thought about that for a good long while.. 

And let my imagination go...

"What if!?!   ... What if you really walked around earth with that kind of POWER..

If someone like Jesus touched you on the shoulder say, and granted you that power:

" if YOU choose to forgive.. They are forgiven.  If you choose NOT to forgive...  They will not be forgiven."

Wow! Wow! Wow!

Especially when you realize we really do already possess that kind of power.

In Jesus name...

Im spending a lot of time forgiving people now..  Faces of people i forgot i was ever even mad at.. That i havent seen or thought of in years!

And same holds true.. I do not know whether they are worthy.. Whether they are still stupid, ignorant, or evil.. Whether they themselves have gotten to be better people or worse..

But everytime i think a name or see a face pop up in my mind, im like:

"I forgive you..   And you...  And you...and you..."

-boom, boom, boom...

Im like a forgiveness machine; a praying forgiveness machine..

I wonder how on earth it is that i am so filled with forgiveness?

The big bang?

In Jesus name,  i say

Amen!

posted by SHE @ 8:54 AM