SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

"THANK YOU PLEASANTON TOASTMASTERS!" from (me!) sandra, tvgp

my daughter ran across this pin during a recent spring cleaning day

handed it to me with a smile. "isn't this your toastmaster pin?" she asked

"i worked damn hard for that little pin!" i told her

and i meant it.

i'm convinced in fact, that no one in the history of toastmasters international has worked harder than me to earn that "T" lapel pin, -which is about the size of a thumbtack, but can only be earned and worn if you've given TEN!

count 'em with me, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! speeches in front of your toastmaster peers.

this is no small task for anyone, but was a herculean task for me. -and even if you take for granted, the entire reason toastmasters exists is because the fear of pubic speaking is so real and widespread

the word fear to describe my circumstance is as pathetic as using the word wave to describe a tsunami

i was debilitatingly terror-fied. phobic. traumatized.

and that's the thing - i was traumatized - literally. had been traumatized not once but more than once over the years, and whereas during elementary school, as the president of student council i was at ease on stage giving speeches, by the time life got a hold of me, introduced me up close and personal to all things evil

well, thank God i made it through, but one of the consequences, if you will, one of the injuries from the brain and soul damage, was that i had completely lost my ability to speak in public without my hands shaking uncontrollably, without sweat dripping from every pore, without my voice quivering, without my knees knocking -sometimes to the point of tears.

it was not only an experience of utter dread psychologically, public speaking, it was a physical try-atholon getting my body and brain to cooperate with one another

and i'm not joking and only slightly exaggerating when i say i put in 80+ hours practice to give 3-5 minute speeches. but the thing is

the thing is, i did do it. i can't remember HOW i met john, only that i did - i can't remember his last name, but see his face well on my mind's mini movie pixel screen, -and i have a picture of us together in yosemite (yosemite is where i hear God the clearest)

anyway.. his mention of toastmasters was my first time learning about the organization, and i ended up looking it up, finding and joining, the pleasanton toastmasters

somewhere inside me was just enough anger/frustration over losing this ability, that i was motivated to try and regain it

and retrospectively, having joined in 1995, i can say with great confidence and gratitude, that the very reason i was able to stick with it and give 10 speeches and earn my ctm pin, was because the PEOPLE, the founders, (frank, dan, .. some memory loss here) and my fellow toastmaster peers, were some of the best, most compassionate, supportive, kind, encouraging people one could ever hope to surround themselves with

and i can't say the result, all these years later, is that i ever jump with enthusiasm and excitement toward an opportunity for public speaking

but i did grow from total phobic, with shakey body/voice/hands, to giving speeches at my college, sitting on panels to discuss given topics, appearing on television to talk about my mag time frames, appearing on local tv30 to talk about blogs and books, talking to larger audiences to teach arts/crafts workshops, participating in various open mic events in literary circles, standing in front of 500 people at the bankhead theatre as a cast member of the vagina monologues

(and write here i feel myself re-telling my own story with a healing/optimistic/grateful heart)

AND all of that seemed quite impossible prior to joining the pleasanton toastmasters. (so thank you again!) -which i learned about by first meeting john (last name?) -so thank you! again too

i just finished rewatching a vhs video tape of my very first toastmaster speech. -makes me cry.

i want to have icvdm edit it/get it up, available on my blog somehow. my outfit has a certain entertainment value..

but the speech i wrote and gave has a great deal of personal value. your first speech is to be about yourself. i told about myself indirectly, through talking about my family members

talked about how my mom found a $20 in the produce section at safeway.. waited some 45 minutes in the store trying to find the person who may have lost it, so she could return it to its writeful owner, and shared how i share my mom's conscience

talked about getting laid off from work (no $ in savings), and how i called my dad, and my dad said, "you are not the 1st person to be laid off, you are not the last. take yourself out for a really nice steak dinner, and then tomorrow.. start looking for a job" -and how i share my dad's pragmatism

talked about my brother, larry, dressing up like gene simmons from kiss, shooting fire flames from his mouth with a hanger, matches, hairspray.. his wild imagination.. and how he went from singing with a pretend mic and air guitar in his bedroom, to forming/lead singing in a rock n' roll band, and performing for some 15 years at local clubs. -and how i don't share my brother's singing voice, but i do share his imagination

then instead of talking about my sister, i shared (by memory!) a poem i had written for her for her 26th birthday.. it is a mushy/gushy, sweet and sentimental, rhyming and entirely sincere poem, and then i closed by saying, that with my sister, "i share everything"

so that was my big wrap up, upon introducing myself for my 1st toastmasters speech:

i share my mother's conscience, i share my father's pragmatism, i share my brother's imagination, and with my sister, i share everything"

remains true to this day.

and with my sister's bday approaching quickly, i have it in my mind that i'd like to re-write that poem and present it again for her 40th birthday bash at casa orozco's

but not by memory. and not as a toast. -just tucked inside a handmade birthday card.

posted by SHE @ 10:56 AM