BUT FIRST! by (me!) sandra, tvgp
there are some powers i wish i didn't have-like the power to tell when someone's conversation with me is actually an interview.
so pisses me off.
when i set out to interview someone.. i say, "i'd like to interview you"
and when i set out to have a conversation with a friend... i have a conversation
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and it takes me a while to process.. but when was it? 3 weeks ago.. 2 months..
i'm terrible with dates and times..
during an interrogation/interview... disguised as a conversation... i was non chalantly presented with a question..
it was a question i cared not to answer..
i dodged it.
-this is one of the ways you come to know you are being interrogated/interviewed vs. conversated with:
the person asks me the question again..
i dodge.
and again.. but in different words. -but longing for an answer.
and so i tossed out an answer -untrue
but an answer that would at least allow the interview/interrogation disguised as a conversation to move on to a new topic.
-if you are with a true friend having a genuine conversation -they will not reword & revisit the same question until they get an answer
there is no agenda.
a genuine conversation with a true friend never has an agenda beyond spending time together, and sharing what's of interest, and what is going on in each other's lives.. good and bad, sad and happy, ugly and beautiful
i've had the great, deep pleasure of having genuine conversatios with true friends recently -my sister, catherine teeter, carla graci.. and upcoming again with kathy biondi
true friends a) will ask permission to ask questions that might be too personal b) may know you well enough not to ask c) might not even notice you've dodged a question and keep talking... d) would -without asking, see you are uncomfortable and move on..
only a person with an agenda and some training will ask, reask, and reword, and ask again until an answer is received
and i've had the great displeasure of conversating with such a conversational fraud.
i smelt your technique -and it stinks. -but like you.. i can pretend not to notice.
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posted by SHE @ 9:17 AM
2 Comments:
You SO ROCK, my friend!!! I totally know what you mean, and I've been on the receiving side of something similar. It kind of pisses me off, this manipulative way of doing things, but I have a philosophy as well couple of bad habits: I like to answer questions because they make me think, and I get curious as to where all the questions are leading. Might land me a job, or might land me somewhere I don't want to be. Either way, I don't care on the whole because I'm honest and have nothing to hide, which puts me one step above the interviewer, the real pawn in that situation. If you have to get information using tools like dishonesty, you can't be a very strong person with any real authority--you are the one who has something to fear because you are the one who has to hide behind a lie.
The reality is, I live in a world of high security and secrecy (a.k.a. D.C. Metro) so I've learned to kind of expect underhanded behavior like that. It's a game that I can choose to play or not, and when I say "game is up," that's it. Either way I win because I know what the score is. I'm not an idiot, and the person wouldn't be interviewing me if I was.
I "pity the fool" who has to use underhanded tactics. I'm free. Is he?
Originally posted 02/18/12
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