THOUGHTS ON FAME by (me!) sandra, tvgp
things to write about/to do: the poetry, prose & art festival (while it's fresh in mind); my must love blogs workshop/mark curtis; thank you letters(dave/roz/more); keynote speech/dana gioia/the art of the short story book! (in love/physically, emotionally painful to put book down); responses to bloggers from class; blog rounds in general; the wildest/busiest/craziest day at amelia's/ my awesome co-workers; 12 lessons learned from 1 mistake; jack's ballgame; taryn's fashion show; the movie duplicity.. and thoughts on famewhich write now wins.
THOUGHTS ON FAME. random/out of order... but out:
in the same way a single, childless, young and free girl will sit around a table of mommies sharing their personal truths. - listen to the ghastly stories of pregnancy, horror stories of labor, exhausting stories of sleepless nights, painful breasts; the crying, the screaming.. the endless, relentless, thankless work of parenting
and still long to be pregnant herself one day. it is with this same inexplicable, counterintuitive desire, i long for fame. i suppose i want my very own experience with it; understanding of it; opinion & take on it
the majority of the stories i've heard, read, seen and/or witnessed have all been... bad. -very bad. exhausting, challenging, fuck-up-your head-screw-up-your-life bad
and yet...
is it really only for the hope it comes with $$ -??
but it hit me, when i was recognized by my book title recently.. when i was so excited about it
there was a great mommy analogy that surfaced: because as a new mommy, after you have breast or bottle fed around the clock, survived the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers, the unexplained illnesses, rejoiced in the first smile, the crawling, the sitting up by themselves...
somewhere in there comes first words. first words are THE most exciting thing for a new parent to hear, (while first smiles are THE GREATEST thing for a new parent to see!)
and once your baby begins to talk in words you can actually understand.. immediately.. is the longing to hear your baby say mommy. mama. ma. m. -anything remotely close
and it is pure heaven to hear it.. your hard-earned name; your new official title, -coming from the sweetest face, and most precious human voice in all the world
and you can't help but share your exciting news with others, "my baby said mama today!!"
and it really feels like for each and every one of us, THIS is what should be in the headline news
BABY SAID "MAMA" AT 8:42AM THIS MORNING.
podcasts online
and ALWAYS. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, there is a veteran mom of two or three children that you tell that says something like, "yeah.. you like it now.. but one day it's going to get on your nerves. you'll be sick of hearing of it"
and ALWAYS. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, the new mommy cannot imagine such a day. "impossible!" "never!" (that's just her thing... i'm different)
and this very strong stand on the issue lasts around 1 year, i think. -until your baby now toddler wakes up saying, "mommy, mommy, mommy! water mommy! play with me mommy! mommy can you get me a snack! mommy! mommy! mommy! look at me mommy! mommy come sit with me! mommy! i have to go potty mommy! mommy! mommy? where'd you go mommy?"
and you surrender to the painful truth that you're not so different from your veteran-parent friend, and in fact, now wish your child had never learned to speak at all.
and i'm suspicious..
i'm mightily suspicious that being famous follows this exact same pattern. that those first few times you're at a restaurant or the grocery store and someone recognizes you, and calls out your name (or book, or movie, or song, or product, etc.).. it is as sweet and soulful to your ear as that very first "mama" coming from your precious child's sweet, little, darling mouth
who could ever tire of such a thing? it's a miracle! -and so even though i know the veteran nay sayers are write
i'm still having a baby of my own.
***
so how does fame muck up a person's mind and soul anyway... i have many theories. and one current example in my pre-famous state. goes like this. true story. -short version
i wrote a short story, creative non-fiction, about a handsome young man and how he was driving all the women in the area wild. never used his name, but did give him a copy of the story.
years pass. i see him in the grocery store. i go, "hey, that story i wrote about you got published,"
and then IMMEDIATELY FELT STUPID and backpeddled fast as i could, -because it seem ridiculous, silly, impossible that he would a) remember me and/or b) remember the story
and so i gave a great deal more background information.. "i'm sorry," i said, "about 2 years ago or so, when you worked at coffee beans and bistro..." -and i went on to give enough memory triggers that i thought it was fair that he might remember
and he pretended that he did! and then i asked him how he was doing, and he asked me how i was doing, and we went our separate ways
BUT! and this was the very exciting part: when we went our separate ways he said, "bye sandra"
and i practically skipped to my car in the parking lot over the fact that he a) knew b) remembered c) used out loud
my name! as i drove home, i said it to myself like three times in a row, he remembered my name/i can't believe it/how cool/how nice
NOW
fast forward to YESTERDAY, which is about 3 or 4 weeks (not years) since i saw him in the grocery store and he was so nice to remember my name and everything
saw him walking in downtown with some friends, and i happen to have my book flyers, and the story happens to be published again in my book, and so i stop at the stop sign, and get his attention, hand him a flyer and say like, "guess what.. that story i wrote about you will be published again. i have a book coming out"
and guess what he says, as he looks at me as if i am a total and complete stranger,
"what story?"
yeah. his eyes said, "who are you/never seen you before?" and his words said, "what story?"
and i thought, well, i thought much of the rest of the day about how awkward it felt to go from unexpectedly remembered to completely unknown by the same person within a matter of weeks. and how often i accidentally do that to others
i wonder how often we all do it? and concluded that whatever the number is, it's rare that it's on purpose.
the other conclusion i came to, is that we should all wear name tags. or learn to employ scott adam's technique and just pretend by saying, "i remember you, your hair is different"
***
and now.. back to work.
posted by SHE @ 9:27 AM
8 Comments:
I love this post, my friend! As usual, you cut right down to the bone of metaphor. I SO recall those days of colic, awake babies and barfed formula. And I SO know how much I love experiencing my children grow. I wouldn't give it up for anything.
So I don't know. Do you want to be famous? Does it matter if everyone knows your name? I don't think you would mind, from what I am reading here. Maybe I am wrong, though?
(I've picked up this bad habit of writing declarative statements and ending them with a question mark. It's SO grammatically wrong, and I am intensely aware of it. I wonder why I do it?)
I don't think I would mind being famous so long as there were money associated with it. Who wants to be famous and broke? What a drag.
I love the metaphor of fame and being a mom! Brilliant! And I think you are write!
I find it so hard to admit that I want to be famous, and you face it so honestly, head-on, and with open eyes. I want to use my writing to get the world to acknowledge that my life has meaning, and that my struggles are of value to someone else. At the same time I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want someone to read it and find it to be nothing special and/or not worth remembering. Or worse yet to think I'm an immature whiner and complainer who needs to just do something rather than talk about it so much.
I think there is probably some truth to what you say - that being recognized and admired comes with the good and the bad. As far as the mom metaphor, now that my boys are 10 and 13, I still (mostly) love to here "mom", love the time I have with them (except when they drive me nuts), and wouldn't trade being a mom for anything (except when I would.)
Thanks for a thought provoking post.
kmg/bbf: me too! LOVE watching my children grow into their unique full selves..
worth every bit of work that goes into it!
and yes.. i like dreaming of having my name/my work well known.. the $ support i hope comes with it. -but at the same time..
have some genius song lyrics coming to mind:
anna nalick, breathe (2am):
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
GENIUS!LYRICS!
two key things..
if i get it down on paper it's no longer threatening the life they belong to
(has anyone said it better than that in the history of human kind? i don't think so)
AND then the part that says, "but i know that you'll use them however you want to.."
we can't control that part.
AND
as for incorrect grammar.. i can only smile. who would i be to pay attention? i've never even noticed in your blog posts or comments here.. your content/messages are perfectly clear; honor what happens intuitively when you write
-that's my vote.
miracle mom: thank you! -and true, that our children are superstar celebrities to us also
my poor kids can barely go to the bathroom without me pointing a camera lens in their face
"mommy~paparazzi!"
kalia: -my fellow mom, fellow writer, fellow dreamer of fame n' fortune
your life has tremendous, insurmountable meaning write now, in this moment. this does not need to be proven to anyone; it is it's own truth
but worth listening very closely, if you chase this dream, as i do, to the lyrics i wrote above
we -if we dare- can put our truths out there, our stories out there
but we cannot control how others perceive them.. how others use them.. what value or lack of value that others place on them
oddly, my courage tattoo (having it's 3rd birthday today) has been a great education in this area
i love it.
but the response from the public is mixed.. some enjoy it, some ignore it, some also love it, many share their own tattoo stories, and some distance themselves from me
some call it beautiful, others think it's ugly
that is the reality of ANYTHING an artist's shares with the public
i find i cannot not share, and so continue to learn and process these truths/realities along the way
i am strong in my relationship with God, and this helps also, because i realize from a deep place, that i am not as others judge or perceive me..
i am cherished child of God, under any and all circumstances
evergreen ~ beloved.
and yes.. i love it too!
"mom" "mommy"
greatest title in all the world.
although my mom might argue that "grandma" is even better
LOVE ALL AROUND!
~s.
i just wanted to say "what a great post"! i love the way your mind works. plain and simple: you have a metaphorically correct mind.
fame and motherhood are both wonderful experiences....
i believe if it means the world to you....then do it....do whatever you have to (within reason, of course) because you won't be truly happy until you are....a mommy, or famous.
both of these desires are so rewarding...in the beginning....in the middle....and, always evolving, and life changing. emotions...omg... you wonder where in the world have these emotions been hiding in me?
i say....reach for the stars...no matter what your desire....
and...the handsome young man?
he'll remember one day....
when your famous.
PS: being a mommy may not be the most famous job you'll ever have....but, in my opinion....
it will be the most rewarding.
sue~sue: you're the best! love everything you say here.. and how you say it!
of course i ache a little..
because i had no idea, what it was REALLY like for you as a new mom with michael
such a deeper appreciation after having my own
and my hat is off to you! and my heart in awe of you!
it is exactly that, motherhood: the most rewarding
if my memory serves me (and it does serve me, we just don't always know what's on the plate)
you were the first to borrow from the marines, and apply it to motherhood: "the toughest job you'll ever love"
see you soon, love, ~s.
kalai: with your comments fresh in my mind
and the art of the short story book new in my hands
i had to return to post this passage from the book for you:
pg 50, softcover, author's perspective, james balwin:
"any writer, i suppose, feels that the world into which he was born is nothing less than a conspiracy against the cultivation of his talent -- which attitude certainly has a great deal to support it. on the other hand, it is only because the world looks on his talent with such a frightening indifference that the artist is compelled to make his talent important. so that any writer, looking back over even so short a span of time as i am here forced to assess, finds that the things which hurt him and the things which helped him cannot be divorced from each other; he could be helped in a certain way only because he was hurt in a certain way; and his help is simply to be enabled to move from one conundrum to the next -- one is tempted to say that he moves from one disaster to the next."
my God! i love that passage... i love this book..
prepare for indifference.. and watch. -because art rises above indifference every day
art, in fact, becomes delightfully indifferent to indifference
and it may be a little harder, and take a little longer, for the artist to do the same..
but this too, happens everyday.
~ carry on writer friend! ~
do not pause and wait for validation or accolades from others
love, ~s.
"if i get it down on paper it's no longer threatening the life they belong to"
My God, that's it bbf! It's the big exhale, the relief that you aren't going to suffocate yourself with your own lungs.
And that passage you picked...
You are so amazing. I know you will be more famous than you already are. Look at the people who love you just in the blogosphere! You are so well on your way.
I think real writers MUST write, with or without editorial approval. I know that's how I am, and I've heard plenty of writers and artists say the same thing.
Telling a writer not to write is like telling her not to breathe.
We can't hold our breaths forever.
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