PRO-CHOICE, PRO-CHOICE, PRO-CHOICE (me!), sandra, ttgp
i've just been to visit my barefoot blogger friends extraordinary blog: http://www.luxuriouschoices.blogspot.com/ and am sharing my thoughts in the aftermath of reading her post: planned parenthood, i've been wondering about them
i do believe i will go to my grave defending the rights of women to choose. it would surprise no one more than me, if any argument, article, speech or circumstance came along to change my opinion
few things come immediately to mind.. first and foremost, a huge debt of gratitude to the founders of planned parenthood
next, i'm always conscious of the common denominator between anti-choice and pro-choice philosophies: ultimately, no matter what side you stand on, for what reasons, all of us stand together in hoping for and working towards... something, anything we can do to prevent (PREVENT! PREVENT! PREVENT!) females.. young ladies, women, from getting themselves in a position that forces them to make such a difficult decision
in fact, a life or death decision.
and i remember here such sage and powerful words my sister contributed a long time back.
-when asked, "if there was any one thing you could ask God to change about the world.. what would it be?"
and she answered, "that girls would not start their periods until after age 18."
i've never forgot that.. rises up in my consciousness everytime the subject does.. about abortions
my own beliefs are based on the following thoughts and experiences:
having been a pregnant teen myself. i can remember with more vivid detail than i'd like, my emotions from that time.. everywhere i turned in my neighborhood as word spread, people looking back at me with such huge disappointment -not you- not you!
and not sure i can describe here, the weight i took on, the heaviness accumulating inside me, each time someone gave me that look.. of anger, disappointment, judgement, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment
my guilt. my shame. self-loathing multiplying exponentially, with no way to undo my circumstance
lucky for me (and thank you to God) my mom, sometime prior, had shared an article with me from the newspaper. it was about a highschool girl who had commited suicide. she was pregnant and couldn't face her parents.
"honey," she said to me, "yes, of course, i would be disappointment if you got pregnant.. but never feel like you have to do something like that.. you can tell me.. please know that you can come to me with anything okay.. i love you no matter what... "
and she talked to me about how pregnant teens of her generation were sent away to live with "their aunts." -how she remained a virgin until 18, because she was terrified of being sent away.. exiled. but this was before the invention and accessibility of birth control. she was honest with me about how, had she had access to birth control pills, her virginity may have ended before age 18, and before marriage.
my mom was disappointed to learn i was pregnant at age 15. devastated, i'm sure. but, she loved me through it. "you'll get through this.. things have a way of working out.. we'll get through this.. i love you"
and - in the face of shaking heads and judgemental neighbors, she even planned a baby shower for me, that was attended by a few select friends and family members. i think she could sense i was folding under the pressure of so many people disappointed in me
in fact, i was. despite the amount of love and support my mom provided in abundance, i was slowly folding; feeling crushed and overwhelmed
i had many conversations with God. " i cannot handle everyone's disappointment.. letting so many people down.. those looks.." -people in my neighborhood that once smiled and hugged me, barely said a word.. avoided me. conversations were suddenly so short
"but i cannot get an abortion.. God -just can't do it- certainly understand why others do - but i just can't - i know you understand"
and with all the exaggerated emotions of a teen, and under the influence of pregnant teen hormones, and despite my mother's love and support, this 15 year old girl decided to commit suicide. it seemed at the time, and under all the circumstances, my only way out. i couldn't handle the pressure of having the baby; and i couldn't handle the pressure of aborting the baby. the only escape from having to make one of two decisions i was ill equipped, too young and unqualified to make, was to end my life completely.
but i had a painful miscarriage on that day instead. -this third thing- this other tragic, unpredictible thing that happened to me, oddly (or miraculously, graciously, mercifully) ended up saving my life. but i will never forget the stress, the weight, the confusion, the direction pregnancy pushed me. i have nothing but love and compassion for pregnant teens, and am, and always will be grateful choices are available; options. i will never forget the exaggerated feelings -out of perspective- the hormones.. the inability to think clearly
the inability to process, at 15 years old, with the insight of a healthy, grown, mature woman; because, in fact, you are not a healthy, grown, mature, woman.. you bring to the table only the mental, emotional skills of a young, confused, scared, teen.. this is very important to remember. sound judgement and rational decisions are not the norm for pregnant teens
next, and contributing to my opinion even more significantly than my own experience - i remember my work as a peer-counselor for other pregnant teens. and whether people want to hear it or not, whether people believe it or not, whether people can digest it, face it, or acknowledge it or not.. i can tell you from this experience
and i am not guessing but KNOW -KNOW- without access to legal abortions for those who want them, YOU WILL INCREASE SUICIDES. THIS WOULD RESULT IN DANGEROUS, LIFE-THREATENING, SELF-INFLICTED ABORTIONS. i have zero doubt to the truth of this.
and, IF PARENT PERMISSION IS REQUIRED -this too, would increase suicides and life-threatening, self-inflicted abortions. i know from my peer counseling experience, not all teens have mom's, parents, guardians as loving as my own
and the OVERWHELMING FEAR some pregnant teens experience -which may very well be exaggerated and irrational - is nonetheless, experienced in the pregnant teen's mind as VERY REAL
and i know from my experience, that while we may associate teenage pregnancies, abortions, with the less-educated, less-supervised, delinquent/troubled type teens
teens from well-educated families, with high status and expectations, were the most adamant about keeping their pregnancies and abortions top secret. i promise you, the suicide rates, and self-inflicted abortions would increase in this demographic group the quickest and most dramatically if abortions become illegal or require parental permission. -black market rising-
when you are scared, confused, under the influence of youth-associated-ignorance and hormones of pregnancy -last thing this vulnerable human being needs is to be backed further in a corner-
for these reasons: my personal experience and memories; my time as a peer counselor for other pregnant teens; my accumulated life experiences, conversations and observations over the years with so many others who share this experience.. silently... privately.. confidentially..
i will always support CHOICE. i will always have compassion/love for pregnant teens and respect whatever decision they make based on their individual and unique life circumstances.
to have the baby and make it available for adoption. to abort the pregnancy. to raise their child.
but my greater, louder message, hope and prayer -knowing the enormous emotional weight unplanned teen pregnancy can bring -
is that we do a better job PREVENTING teenage pregnancy. preventing our young girls from getting in a situation that forces them to make life and death decisions at such a young age.
in this regard -and also based on life experience/conversations/observations over the years- i'm all for making birth control very accessible; socially acceptable. i'm proud of, support, and applaud anyone who practices abstinence, but don't see this as realistic for the entire population of teens. -and we cannot afford to ignore the non-abstinent population of teens-
and i'm most grateful for the work and service planned parenthood continues to provide for our communities: guiding, providing, supporting, comforting, helping.. educating and saving lives.
THANK YOU!
posted by SHE @ 9:11 PM
10 Comments:
This should be required reading for everyone. It pains me when some male is wailing against abortion. Unless you have experienced the joy and the pain others have gone through, you have no idea. Having survived the thoughts and emotions that lead down the path to suicide, having a brother that did not survive, I still can not imagine the hell you have been through, but I can say you are not alone in the fight for choice and the fight for prevention.
Thank you for sharing such intimate, revealing, insightful, intelligent thoughts about this subject.
There is no more to say, except that I hope that you will find a way to get your story and your message published in a way that many, many more people can read and experience.
Much love,
Kathy
Oh bbf.....you have touched on the very soul of the "pro" argument...the ultimate pain of having to make a decision NO ONE wants to make. Those poor girls and poor you for having to take on the emotional issues of others. There is NEVER a good excuse for that...NEVER.
Pregnant teens don't always need abortions. They need LOVE. They need SUPPORT. They need a way to make a decision. They need to feel like they aren't supposed to wear some scarlet letter "A" for the rest of their lives.
It happens to adults, too. I was pregnant four months before my wedding. This was a BIG no-no in the eyes of my very Catholic family. My husband-to-be asked me what I wanted to do. We ha discussed having children, so I couldn't IMAGINE why he was asking that.
Needless to say, I didn't get the kind of responses I needed at the time. Things have changed for the better since then, but no one should have to endure the kind of pain your are talking about.
PREVENTION, PREVENTION, PREVENTION! I so agree. I would never judge a desperate woman or girl for having and abortion. But I would give her love so she wouldn't feel so alone.
I think teens should have to get parental consent because sometimes, teens THINK they know what their parents will say, or they THINK their parents won't be able to accept it through family counseling. But I believe such intervention is necessary for kids. There is always hope.
Bless you and anyone who has had to endure these hardships.
This post really touched me. Thank you for sharing this very personal story and your views. Wow.
Each semester I have my students write about abortion and take a pro-choice or pro-life perspective. I don't judge which side they take (or whether they personally agree with the view they select), but I do ask that they do a good job arguing the side they select so they can understand what it takes to write a persuasive and effective essay.
Occasionally students will have experienced an abortion or a pregnancy and this is included in the essay, and I'm always amazed how powerful personal stories are to persuade.
Your story is one of the most powerful I've ever read on this topic. I want to reach out and hug that teen you were who almost killed herself and to tell everyone who was disappointed in you to get a life.
Thank God you're still with us today and promoting pro-choice...
8": thank you so much for your supportive words and for sharing. i'm glad you're here with us, and sorry to learn about your brother.
i don't condone suicide, but i do understand it.
and gotta toast to that
"to choice and prevention!"
dd: thank you too! somehow i think you (and dog) share this thought, this prayer: that the write stories, reach the write people, at the write time, for the write reasons
and thinking here of how perfect the timing was for me when i opened and read your book -let go, let miracles happen -
"to spiritual surrender!"
kmg/bbf: thank you as always! i've lost count of how often you and your blog inspire me
but it feels good -good to think, contemplate, remember, work-through, grow, learn, and pass on the lessons i've learned from these very real life experiences
can't toast to it enough
"PREVENTION!"
ren man: thank you -grateful for the love and support i feel from your words.
interesting -very interesting- to learn you address this topic each semester with your students.
-would i be allowed to read any of the essays?
you are certainly welcome to share mine at will.
i'm conscious of the fact, i'm writing this at age 42, with a whole lot more life and perspective and two children now of my own. wouldn't and couldn't have organized and written these thoughts when i was in college.
i remain, as i'm sure you picked up, sensitive to the vocabulary we use for this discussion
quite purposefully use
pro-choice, anti-choice. this is how i see the actual debate
no such thing as someone who is "pro-abortion" or "anti-life"
those are very false labels.
are we going to support a female's right to choose, or back her in a corner?
thank you! as always for your kindness and insights
love all around! ~s.
I've been typing for thirty minutes or more, rambling, rattling, spilling my soul, and I just erased it all....An almost "never happens".....but jsyk, you, sweet child, have hit so close to home, and I'm here saying Amen, amen, amen, in a thousand languages....
And Love....
in the only language I know....
Peace~love my friend
Keep talking.......
Whew...you never cease to amaze me with your honesty & wisdom.
I know your words moved my sister, as they did me. We come from a tribe of strong women....women who have seen teen-age pregnancy, adoption & abortion and through out all of these choices one thing does remain the same...love, unconditional love. And for that, we are so very blessed.
Planned Parenthood is a resource. Those who believe that it is strictly about abortions are wrong. It is about 'Planned' parenthood. If you need to figure out what to do about birth control, they have resources to help you decide what is best for you. If you are pregannat and have no insurance, they have resources to help you figure out what is best for you and your child to be. If you are pregnant & confused, they have resources to help you look at all of the different options. They are a valuable resource.
This is an excellent post with a wide range of valid points.
xoxoxox
sing/slb: thank you, your comments mean very much to me, as always
and yes, yes,
planned parenthood is BIG on PREVENTION! we are very blessed to have such organizations
"to unconditional love!
to the female spirit!"
and more love after that ~s.
Your mail brought tears to my eyes as I read it. It took me back to my own youth and a girl I made pregnant. Both of us young and she decided on an abortion.
Today I look back n it as a Christian and I understand that t is not God's choice but that there is also God's grace. He died for all that we did wrong and will continue to. We are forgiven and the word of Romans 8:1 rings out tom us.
Rom 8:1 There is no condemnation now for those who live in union with Christ Jesus.
My wish is that as and when we counsel that we speak about our own lives and where we are in Christ Jesus and to those that fneed to be conforted these words will bring comfort.
hg: thank you for sharing! i can only know and speak to this experience from the perspective of a female..
but i sure do love your words here,
"I understand that it is not God's choice but that there is also God's grace."
-we are human- with such a miraculous, spellbinding combination of limitations AND unlimited possibility
"to human truths - and truths that make us human -and God who sets us free" ~amen
much love, ~s.
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