SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

DID WE NEGLECT TO PASS THIS INFORMATION ON? asks (me!) sandra, tvgp

when I hear something once; I can ignore my desire to write about it.  When I hear it twice..   it takes more effort to ignore it...    upon a third time, within the same week, by three different people

I surrender.

***

the hook-up culture.  2016.   began when?   will conclude when?   my colloquial understanding of this relatively new euphemistic term being applied to a very old and worn out subject is:   casual sex as a common/acceptable practice.   no strings attached.  for the pure pleasure, or sport of it; just because..   time and circumstance allowed...   anytime an opportunity presents itself;  and with one (or more) people this week, and perhaps another(s) the week after that..       ~whatever.  whoever.   no matter; just sex after all.

and we are sexual beings.

***

goes back longer than my life, for sure.  but born in 1966, I will just say..

  -this all seems kind of familiar.   like, the whole hippie/make love not war..   era.   -where at any given concert, or on any patio, or park bench,  where hippies gathered, drugs were appetizers, alcohol was more prevalent than water..

you could see the youth, slobbering all over one another, and having sex with whoever, whenever..

and it was celebrated as a form of liberation and freedom.

the aftermath however, was..   a litany,  -no, a deluge..   a flood...   a plethora...   /feel free to help me out here..

a massive amount of:  sexually transmitted diseases.  unplanned pregnancies.  abortions.   broken hearts.   decades of lives lost to addictions.   psychological/emotional wounds.    broken homes/broken families.  broken spirits.

fast forward...    to the AIDS epidemic...

but then fast forward some more...    to a new message, that in essence said

  -ignore all that!   they are just using fear as a weapon against your sexual freedom.

and so, certainly not wanting  unfounded fears to interfere with your personal freedoms..

the next generation practices some form of free love/sex under a new name. with new drugs, new cocktail combinations..   and the pattern repeats itself.

-most

no all; but most adults eventually realize that there are very real consequences to the casual sex lifestyle.    -the fears are not unfounded.   -the emotional/psychological/spiritual injuries

are just that.   and require healing.    -and most

but not all,

adults, who I have talked to, who participated in casual sex in their youth; stopped in their later years.

  -but for reasons I'm not entirely clear on:   the lessons do not seem to get passed down from one generation to the next.   it seems to me each generation keeps taking the bait, which is placed on the hook by (searching for write word here...)   people, and cast out into the media ocean..

and entire schools of unschooled fish repeat the pattern again.

***

this is just a question for you to answer for yourself:  are people both flesh and spirit?

for me the answer is yes.

this is just a question for you to answer for yourself:  

28 year old man sees the attention seeking behaviors of a 17 year old, and

1)  takes advantage of it by encouraging the behavior and finding opportunities to have sex
2)  sees the behavior for what it is, discerns the roots and discourages it.

-for me, and trust me, I'm using gender/ages/orientation for convenience sake only, the dynamic plays out everyday in a variety of scenarios

but, for me

1) is a man operating out of flesh/ego/immaturity; is unevolved and selfish and opportunistic  -and will quickly being doing the same thing with someone different with no regard for the other.
2) is a man operating from the spirit; with wisdom; rising above his fleshly impulses and caring enough about himself and the other not to take advantage...

so, I think, we need first to decide, if humans are in fact flesh and spirit?  or create some kind of vocabulary for identifying/distinguishing between reacting impulsively/selfishly; vs. reacting wisely/with care for the well being of the other

***

who/when these vocabularies first get introduced into given populations?   -free love-  for the hippies; -hook-up culture-  for the current generation

the vocabulary itself, in my opinion/observation, contributes to a type of 'group think' which yields a permission slip that usurps conscience:    why not; everyone else is doing it..

and my guess..  and its only a guess, is that the aftermath of this hook up culture, will be no different than the aftermath of the make love not war hippie era..

the hype/media is exactly the same:   liberation. freedom.  sex is fun, and free..  woo-hoo!   take off your clothes..  its only natural...

and any consequences are not just downplayed, but almost void..   while, silently, behind closed doors in doctors offices; counseling offices; abortion clinics; psychiatric wards; in homes..  in schools

the broken spirits; hearts; lives struggle to make sense and heal.

***

- for certain; I speak from direct experience also.   -as someone who,

well, I would report a combination of

the promiscuity which commonly results from someone who has been kidnapped/raped; and, buying in to the bait of my generation about liberation/freedom..     "equality!"     -if men can be casual/who cares... no strings...  so can I!

but fast forward, and include my own experiences along with too many conversations, interviews, documentaries, books, on and on,

and I have returned to/and landed at:   sex is sacred.     for me, sex is very sacred.  

so what I try to keep in mind, as I watch, witness, hear..      as I lean my shoulder out for another person to cry on..

what I try to remember, is that I had to learn that for myself.   I think someone tried to tell me too..

when I was younger; but I couldn't hear...

I couldn't hear.

no I hear it loud and clear.

***

I know I'm a bit all over the map, but..

the infidelity I see so rampant...     the casual nature of that which is sacred...    the willingness/ease with which I see people have sex and then move on to the next person and opportunity..

the ease with which I see people exploit; take advantage..  manipulate...

the detachment; apathy; indifference...

***

what came to me most recently was a vision of paper Dixie cups..    again, I'm only using gender for convenience

but there was a trash can full of paper Dixie cups, squished up..   

very empty, very squished, paper Dixie cups, filling a garbage can to the rim.

each one had a girls name on it.

and I saw, in my imagination, that that is just about how quick/convenient; casually a male can sometimes be with a female, and having sex..   /or vice versa..  or same gender.. whatever..

take. fill himself up.  crumple up the container.  throw away.

...next...

***

so maybe I'm saying/writing/thinking all this, and no one can hear..


but I have to say it anyway:

do not volunteer to be anyone's disposable paper cup.

sex is sacred.

it is the most intimate you can be with another human being.    -so, when you are tempted to hook-up..

look up instead.

***

In Jesus very understanding name,   -amen.

posted by SHE @ 10:11 AM