THE STUPIDEST QUESTION I EVER ASKED (me!) sandra, tvgp
we all have one. -mine.. it was during a conversation with a tri valley haven volunteer friend, several years ago now. but, embarrassing/stupid questions.. stay with you forever. she's the only person i ever knew -knew, knew- that had been homeless. literally; no home. no money. no food. it had nothing to do with lack of ambition, drugs, alcohol, etc. she had a ph.d., she was smart, hard working,.. but there were layoffs, she was in another country (china?) -could not find work, had no family/friend circle to take her in, help her through. no way to get back home. ran out of what money she did have.. and before you know it, -much like the people we see here in the tri valley, on occasion, she needed a cardboard box, to write on.. a sign to hold, that would request from total strangers: food. i think i remember her describing how she hung out in a cafeteria somewhere.. she wouldn't steal, but had to wait and ask, and eventually, someone would kick her an apple. yeah. and i go, "how did that make you feel?" -wish i could have captured the expression on her face on film. how else would or could a starving person feel if someone handed them some food, write."very happy." small portions of food, given by kind strangers, over what period of time? i don't remember. what i do remember, is that.. no one person took her in. no one person came and gave her a job. no one person provided breakfast, lunch and dinner. -but, an unknown number of strangers, added together, well, each contributed something.. an apple here, some bread there, a little spare change from this one, until, eventually, she re-found work.. re-earned money.. and ultimately made her way back home. I REMEMBERED THIS when i was at safeway recently.. now before i go on, let me share this: i own nothing. i am renting a room, and behind on that rent. i live off cash advances.. i aspire to live paycheck to paycheck.. that would be like being rich to me, write about now.. but i make it day to day, i'm not starving. i have help here and there.., etc. but it gets very confusing and challenging, when/who/what/how much to give.. when i do go to the grocery store and i'm met at the register with that question, "do you want to donate (variable $ amount) to (variable charity). like.. come on people! i'm struggling to pay for this salame and candy bar! sometimes i say yes, sometimes no. but it never doesn't feel awkward and i really wish i didn't have to come face to face with the question. -sometimes, when i click "no", an imaginary conversation will start in my head.. here you are walking out the door with beer and peanuts and yet you couldn't let go of one more dollar for breast cancer? ... and then everyone i know (and by the way i know a fair number of people who either are direct survivors, or have lost family members, or who have family members currently battling this cancer). -and then i argue back a little.. like, -excuse me, i've been raped three times.. where is the money for rape survivors? ending violence against women? -and there are people in my family/friend circle who have died of skin cancer, mental illness, alcoholism, suicide, heart failure... like how do we all pick and choose when/who/how much to give, under what circumstance? i don't know. i know i give at church, and that combines to help people.. and i have 3 or 4 people i sponsor annually, no matter my financial circumstances.. and i give tips here and there.. and i sometimes get girl scout cookies, and gift wrap for school fundraisers..and it's all kind of random actually.. but when i say or click "no." it always, consistently, feels awkward. now, i don't like awkward, so.. i remind myself, and i'm reminding you write now. -every store you go to. -with every product of any kind that you buy. you are already helping people! even if you don't give extra.. you are already helping enormously. none of the businesses would be in business at all without paying customers.. and every business, that is in business, is employing people, who generally employee other people, on and on. let's take a jar of peanut butter. we've got the manufacturing, packaging, marketing, distribution, transportation, merchandising.. each product, is like a mini-economy, which when macro'd out.. ='s employment for a lot of people.. spending any money at all at the grocery store is contributing. -and it's my guess, that the grocery store is in a much better position to give than most of its individual customers. -but i'm going to skip the obvious story that leads to.. i just want to say, that i can sometimes click no at the register. but i can't say no to a family standing outside of the grocery store with signs asking for food. so, even on my limited budget.. i saw them; husband, wife, children. i brought them out some bread, peanut butter, lunch meat, utensils.. i wished in my heart i could do more; i always wish i could do more.. it's tempting sometimes to do nothing, if you don't feel you can do enough, but i always remember my tri valley haven volunteer friend.. and i can't give them a job, can't feed them breakfast, lunch and dinner.. but i could provide something. and if someone else provides a little something.. an unknown amount of strangers each contributing in some way.. this can help them so that ultimately, they can get back home. and the look of gratitude from this child.. deep genuine gratitude. THAT'S A TRUE STORY.. and so is this: a number of years ago, a knock at the door.. a young woman in need of help, shelter, food.. i provided information regarding the tri valley haven; a temporary, but great source for help.. i made, and gave her a sandwich, apple, beverage.. the phone number. -she came back, and knocked and knocked.. it didn't feel safe to me.. like i was putting my own children/family in jeapordy. i was not in a postion to take her in.. i had to call the police, and i never did see her again. THAT'S A TRUE STORY, and so is this: many, many, many years back.. a man in a wheel chair.. in need of money/food; he had his chair parked outside of a restaurant.. wounded vet, i believe he claimed. -i gave him some money, and when i looked back at him later.. he got write up out of that wheelchair and could walk perfectly fine. it is so hard to distinguish, between who is legit and who is not. who is using money for food, and who is using money for alcohol or drugs.. which charities are actually helping others, which ones are helping themselves... i've been approached in parking lots, but what i believe are drug addicts, with amazing stories.. and ive seen a sandwich eaten, like it was the first food that person had seen in days.. but mostly i see that there is no shortage of people in need and every time we shop anywhere, for anything, we are helping someone.. keep their business open; keep a job.. etc. and sometimes, meeting that need, needs to be enough.
posted by SHE @ 11:44 AM
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