SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

"I DON'T KNOW!" (me!) ~tops

 "I DON'T KNOW!   i find out along the way...."

my experience with creating beautiful things...

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it did not start out this way.   -with my writing itself..   long ago, initially..  i was very slow, and conscious about every word; sentence; paragraph..

over time..   writing; writing; always writing...

it is very much (as i taught my children) like tying your shoe laces (p.s.  -as seen in our home video's of taryn successfully tying shoe laces for the very first time!)

at first...  oh my goodness!   slow, awkward, every step so on purpose!

but fast forward..   and you pay absolutely no attention at all!  you just do it so automatically, easily, quickly, efficiently

and, so, now, when i write

and this very post is a perfect example:  i have no idea where it will be going...  how many words.. the overall point...  

but, what i've learned, is that if i sit down in front of the computer, and place my hands on the keyboard, and let a first sentence out...

the rest pours out so naturally and effortlessly, and seems to know in advance where to go, how to get there and when i've arrived and am done.

i think it is very analogous to conversations over coffee with a friend.   you don't pre-plan... 

you just sit and visit..

the conversation has a current, direction, beginning and end as natural as a day has a morning, noon and evening.  it's built in.

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and, what is floating to the top, out of who knows how many potential things i'd like to write about:

"I DON'T KNOW!"

my gripe...    for so many different creative objectives over the course of my life, there is someone, somewhere, that wants to know   IN ADVANCE!   -how long it is going to take, and how much it is going to cost

   -that's fair, to a certain degree...  i do, in fact, understand, when you are on a company budget

but, 

for me, as an artist, as a creative.. 

well, i am as grateful as all get out! write now, because i just got to create a piece

at my own pace

according to my own..   -unfolding-  vision

without knowing in advance   -anything!

i did not know in advace how long it would take.   i did not know  -in advace-   how much it would cost

i did not know in advance  -exactly what it would look like..

  -there is no way i could have hired, or found volunteers, to make my vision manifest, because

even i didn't know! in advance...

the entire thing was a hint...  a vision...   a thought...   changed...   new idea...!....

and literally unfolded as i went along..

not without this, did that exist...    because of this, now that exists..

oh!   i think especially mixed-media artist understand...

if you just surround yourself in different colors, materials, tools, 

   -at a glance you can incorporate something only seconds ago not even on the radar..

or, disregard, and entirely toss something you thought would be perfect..

it is like an ongoing experiment.   -there is no template; no recipe; no instructions..

it is so spontaneous

and it is  -spontaneous-   -impromptu- art, that brings me to my highest state of internal bliss

    -the entire world at large disappears...

i am only creating..   and when it does go write...   the internal gratification is..   !....

off the charts.

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and, i'm going to try and capture, the un-capturable here..

the initial invitation to create:  from a friend, and two other things were provided:  a color theme, and a specific space requirement

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fire lit

every day, in every space/moment my mind was not already filled with something specific...

in all the in-betweens;   ....  oh!...   with that color i can...    and with that space i should...

and, 

my initial canvas idea:  a pallet   (remember how fun and beautiful, creative, inspiring...)

and we acquired a pallet..  and i even gave it a coat of primer, but.. i became overwhelmed with concerns that trying to hang a pallet.. the weight of it.. might be too...

and so, i abandoned that idea..  (we will keep the pallet for ourselves, and i will eventually do a mixed media something...)

then,   -and keep in mind i have never before...  but, at night, my mind would start to see different canvases..

    the top of an umbrella? it's so lightweight...  easy to hang..      oh! something round...! round...

foam?  a large round foam circle?    a canvas?  traditional painters canvas, but round...     -cardboard?   covered cardboard?

and, in every in-between moment of daily life, my mind was occupied with entertaining the perfect canvas..

and then..    in my imagination..    acrylic!   -how awesome!   because acrylic is -clear!  now i can create some kind of background, visible, and   AND! create a foreground...

and i latched on to that idea...   kept visualizing seeing..

and sent some emails for a quote...     and then, my sexy and i, we just spent one afternoon running errands and included a visit to tap plastics..

that day, before we ran errands, i had received a birthday card from my aunt (sandra)  -i am her namesake, and with it $50...    ("thank you! love you!)

and when i got a quote for the 40x60" acrylic canvas i wanted in person     $57!    DONE!   (by the way, the email reply quoted $177, which would have prevented...)

and here is another important truth:  robert invited me to retire with him..   this is a liberty i do not take for granted, and appreciate every. single. day.   i cannot be 'loose' with money.  i am no longer directly earning my own..      and, so, guilt-free, if you will, i was very happy to spend my birthday money..

and for my birthday..  i had also received 3 different Michaels gift cards...  and! a hobby lobby gift card!

"thank you!  thank you!   thank you!   thank you!"   -/you know who you are...

and, it was my greatest pleasure!   my guilt-free pleasure!  to spend these gift cards.. every. single. one. of. them.

on this project that i still had no (complete) idea about what it would look like or cost.. or how much time..

i had this vague imagination:   acrylic/background/foreground; 40x60"   light weight, easy to hang..    color theme;  celebration factor...

and i have NEVER worked with acrylic before..  all of this would be first time; learning as i go...

   -take the first step-     -just take the first step-

that is my personal experience and lesson...    when it comes to writing:   just write the first sentence...

and when it comes to art... just pick the first paper...

there are many other things that follow if you just take the first step...    and let me be more specific..  there are many other things that ONLY follow, and NATURALLY follow, if you will just take the first step...

if you don't.    STUCK.  STAGNANT.  FROZEN.  UNPRODUCTIVE.  LOST. UNKNOWN.

   -make a move!

change your mind along the way if you want to..  but MAKE A MOVE!

and so, i started with the background.. and selected a variety of papers that adhered to the basic color theme... (strong suit)   and i did some measurements (not my strong suit) and individually cut 8"x8" squares to kind of quilt together a background...   and, "thank you!" here to my sexy..    he is A+ when it comes to measuring, centering, placing..   meticulous!  and usually, mathematically speaking, several steps ahead, whereas i am, one step at a time...

so between the two of us "thank you Jesus!" we completed the background.   And, my strong suit is color/design/vision..    he is much better at sketch/proportion; so between the two of us:  the foreground, the celebratory foreground, began to manifest...

oh! have i told you, how wonderful to spray paint FOIL?!    -my first experience creating a seaweed effect for our yard art.. but WOW, was i amazed.. how well foil accepts/receives spray paint!   "i will never be the same!"

  -so, there is some of that...    and then, honey...   do you remember?  i took almost everything out of my studio 213..   gave it a thorough bath..   and decluttered, and reorganized...   and now, everything has a place and is in its place!   and, over the years, i have collected any number of papers, adhesives, paper punches, scissors, glues, glitters, fabric paint, modge podge...  long list

and, THIS IS MY BLISS!   -because i got to  -without pre-planning anything-   look over there, and grab that...   and look over there, and use this...   and reach up and employ that... and bend over, and find this...

and, i got to use so many different papers, tools, embellishments..   !

to ultimately create 

this decoration for my friends birthday party.

and, I AM ENORMOUSLY GRATEFUL!  for the invitation/opportunity to create this decoration in the first place.  my honor/my joy!

but i am even MORE ENORMOUSLY GRATEFUL..  that i did not have to answer to anyone in advance..  about the amount of money or time or resources..

"I DIDN'T KNOW!" in advance; anything...  how much time, how much money, how many different resources..

but i KNOW..   i loved the invitation!  the opportunity! i crazy love the process! and i am personally very gratified with the result!

   -it's a large piece, relatively speaking.. for an individual, very specific day/time/purpose;   and what to do with it after?    trash?  re-purpose?     -not so sure...

but i had,  and in fact, i believe, WE had, the creative time of our lives making it.

"Thank You! Jesus.."   hallelujah & amen. 

  

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 11:15 AM