SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

we support noble, upstanding, law-abiding, law-enforcing police officers.   -san jose is in crisis write now, unable to keep, and/or recruit new officers.  it is an ongoing topic of conversation for us

i want to first acknowledge the very real pain & suffering experienced by people, families, communities who have been victims of corrupt cops.  at a not too long ago exhibit i visited, there were pictures of young men who had been killed by police.   -the indication, is that they were killed unjustly.   -and for anyone, and any loved ones, of someone unjustly killed by a corrupt cop   -i understand entirely that that can shape your opinion of all cops in a life long way. 

-but i do want to point out that the exhibit was restricted to exclusively that display:  young men who had been (unjustly?) killed by police. 

there was not, for example, any pictures, any stories about police officers who had been killed by violent criminals.  -their pain & suffering.  the pain & suffering of their loved ones.

and, at this exhibit, there were no pictures or stories about police officers who had saved lives, who had served their community as they were hired to do.

and there were no stories like mine.   and i share it here, in a very abbreviated kind of way, with two primary motivations:   1.  To demonstrate support toward, and gratitude for the upstanding police officers we do have, and will have.   2.   -Because I have been rescued & restored from an enormous amount of trauma,  -If you, or anyone you know, thinks healing isn't possible..   I know, with Jesus, it is.

this is what has shaped my opinion of cops, and criminals, and our justice system:

[ newspaper article regarding my testimony: 

Recovering from a traumatic youth, 

by Jim Ott, Tues July 24, 2007, trivalleyherald.com ]

1.   At age 6 years old, I was the victim of a home invasion, kidnapping, sexual assault, by an ex-convict   -which would not have happened if he were not released from prison, where he obviously still belonged.    The police were notified; dusted for fingerprints; found and identified the predator, who had been recently killed by his ex-cell mate.    COPS GOOD; PREDATORS EVIL; RELEASED FROM PRISON TO COMMIT MORE CRIMES.    -i always like to point out,  this type of predatory/evil behavior against a victim that is so young, so small, so innocent; this atrocity, the aftermath on a family, on parents, on siblings, on neighbors, on communities..     It is exclusively evil.   This is not stealing to put food on the table; not stealing money for a drug addiction..   It is exclusively evil. PREDATORS of this kind, should get life in prison or just be put to death.  It is my opinion, based on life experience, research, visiting the crime from every angle, years and years of contemplation, that when a predator commits a crime of this level; that predator forfeits their right to share the planet with the rest of us; period.   - So that has shaped my life;  -if he were not released from prison..     and, the cops were a tremendous help.  

2.  Age 16 years old: Successfully prosecuted and had a date-rapist sentenced to 20 years in prison; to be deported to his country of origin after serving his sentence.  This shaped my life:  His mug shot was already in the police books; he had been arrested but not prosecuted, by two young women, before me; that we know about, and who knows how many prior to that. PREMEDITATED, CALCULATED, EVIL.  He was in the U.S. illegally.  The police, the D.A., they were GOOD; HELPFUL; SENSITIVE.  

3.  Year later, age 17, I was ambushed at gunpoint. kidnapped. covered up.  raped.  had a cocked gun repeatedly shoved in my temple for  -ever.  while the evil predator debated out loud whether i should live or die..   the lakeside serial rapist, San Leandro, CA.  His first (reported) victim, committed suicide, I was the 2nd victim (on record), there were more than 9 more, the last one (on record) was raped and also murdered; the pattern broke, and the predator remained at large.  This shaped my life..    EVIL.   -this is not about putting food on the table during hard times..   it is EVIL.  This predator, had he been found; deserved at the very least, life in prison; at the best: death.   I repeat, You forfeit your right to share the planet with the rest of us; period.  

I am consciously leaving out nationality; race of the predators.  I say here, all three were of different ethnicity.  I have learned evil does not have a race, ethnicity.  

I am a strong believer, via life experience, in 'content of character'   -each & every individual, regardless of gender, age, economics, education, career, uniform, ...  on and on,   -each & every individual accountable for their behavior.    -of course, we do have, and should always have, a distinction between minors and adults.  But for violent crimes; rape;  -I would lean toward permanent removal from society.

-I was also a customer in a bank, when it was robbed, and had a gun pointed at me in that traumatizing experience also.   

In short, looking back now from age 56,  -my youth was sabotaged; stolen.  Decades healing from PTSD, while navigating all the ups, & downs, responsibilities that come in general with anyone's life.

And each of my siblings, my parents, had their life journeys and struggles, in addition to the collective family struggles. 

my life experiences include (but, of course, are not limited to): unplanned pregnancy at 15 and divine intervention of a life saving miscarriage. marriage at 18, divorce at age 21; no children.  engagement to be married in my late 20's; break-up before the wedding; too many different jobs, here and there, to remember..   earning an AA at Chabot Jr College in Hayward; earning a B.A. in Mass Communication from (now named) Cal State East Bay, in Hayward, all while working full time, and being the first in my family to graduate from college. 

I was married in 1998 for 7 years; divorced; and..

but, this is when i started to feel my most significant healing:  being blessed with a daughter, and a couple years later, a son.  having children to love and raise...

post divorce; the financial struggles were unsurmountable; i lived below the poverty line for over a decade; no health benefits; part time/seasonal work; ever changing; multiple low paying jobs all at a time to keep gas in the car; food on the table; renting rooms.. always with the goal of being near my children.    my children visiting me in small, but loving, living quarters; living with their dad in a beautiful home; and financially secure. 

I have an entire book of 'dreams unfulfilled but never unexpressed'   -looking to hit it big, if you will, as an author; speaker; artist; poet; tv host, innovator..   a percentage of my efforts toward that goal are

 captured here:  WriteousMom.com & here: MagTimeFrames.com

what is wonderful about time passing, and aging is this:  what was once an epic novel; becomes vague bullet points..

and how i learned that traumatic experiences cannot be erased; but they can be successfully diluted.

this is all extremely abbreviated..   as it should be.  i've been documenting and healing, and healing and documenting my entire life it seems.

it's all already here. no need to repeat.  only a life in brief review:

in the aftermath of my divorce from my children's father, and thank you to my sister, working toward her own healing; i started going to church on a regular basis, and bringing my children with me..

at one time, and a wonderful time it was; my sister, her children, me, my children, our mom and her husband, all attended the same church on sundays as a family.   everyone lives in different places now, but that was a stabilizing, healing, happy good stretch. 

my prayer life grew; my bible study increased; i was baptized in 2010 on Valentines Day, and my relationship with Jesus grew from Sundays.. to everyday..  to Jesus is my invisible BFF.  

So, 'my walk with God' as some people describe it, is a permanent part of my life now and has been for many, many years. 

I had one more long term romantic relationship, a 'spiritual marriage' which terminated after 3 years.. and then 3 years not dating at all.

and then!

God blessed me with the most remarkable man I have ever met!  Our meeting and falling in love and moving in together, etc. is also well documented in this blog.  Also a Christian, we pray and watch church tv 7 days a week; 365..     and both of us feel God's signature on our relationship, on our families, on our friends, on our neighborhood...   Robert, my sexy..   a retired deputy for Santa Clara County 27+ years.  well respected by his peers, and the inmates as well; an upstanding deputy.  

We met in 2017..    a blessed blend of chemistry and compatibility..    and then we got hit, together, with the traumatic murder of his sister, cynthia, in 2019; by her son, Ryan, Robert's nephew.  He had also been in jail and released on a couple of prior accounts of assault; he had 'graduated' from anger management classes more than once.  Had he remained in jail where he belonged, having a history of assault and battery; this murder would not have happened.    THIS CONTINUES TO SHAPE MY LIFE AND MY OPINIONS...   yet another criminal released to do more harm.    -If the media were to cover more truth about the frequency of this...

and i trace back briefly here to my credentialed volunteer work for the Tri Valley Haven in Livermore; helping victims of sexual abuse, domestic abuse   -common knowledge amongst the professionals, how the abusers would attend mandated anger management classes; and come out having learned how to get away with crime without getting caught.     

All of these life experiences have accumulated toward the same painful understanding.

Our understanding of spiritual warfare was solid when we learned about Cynthia's murder.   We knew not to give the enemy any more territory by letting it destroy our lives.  I would say my determination was even higher than Robert's because I had already had so much of my life stolen.   

We did all that the crisis demanded.   Ryan is behind bars where he belongs for life. Robert's family is still waiting after three years for Ryan to go to trial, no quick justice. No speedy trial for the victims. 

...  the following year, 2020, enters the pandemic..  but again, the tools/knowledge regarding spiritual warfare we each gained independently and as a couple, by this time were even more solid..

pressed but not crushed..

our memories for 2020 are NOTHING LIKE YOU WOULD SEE if you watch the news..

God is with us.  God is for us.  

"we made it to due season!"  Galatians 6:9

and a long, wonderful, beautiful, rewarding, season it is!

Praise be to God!   2 Corinthians 4:8-10

like Joyce Meyer..    I too had a pretty horrific start; but..  am sure having a glorious now!   Even with the recent addition of our parks, schools being under threat of a 100 bed homeless tiny home site by an underhanded and negligent city council vote.   God is using all things for good...    We will win this!  Our neighborhood is growing closer together; new friendships formed..   an over due uprising by the people who have had enough..       God gives us the strength and wisdom we need each day to move forward; is blessing us with people volunteering their time/talent/energy/experience toward our victory; answered prayers each and every one of them.

*****

I believe 100% in God, in the Bible, in Jesus as my Lord & Savior and have a deep and growing understanding of spiritual warfare..   appreciate our fleeting time here on earth; and live with the knowledge that   "... I have three things to do to lead me toward that consummation:  Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.  And the best of the three is love."  1 Corinthians 13:10 12-13

Praying in Jesus name for:  The retention of upstanding police officers, The successful recruitment of upstanding police officers.  That their pay and benefits will increase.  But most importantly, that their working conditions will improve and our mass media will shine a light on the good, protective, law enforcing, life saving, peace keeping work upstanding officers are doing.  We successfully weed out corruption   -and the public will return to recognizing and appreciating the sacrifice and risk involved in police work of any kind.    God bless and be with you! You are heroes to (me!).   Hallelujah & Amen