SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Thoughts on RAPE by (me!). sandra, tvgp

I feel somehow embarrassed..  over-qualified to speak on the topic; if you will..   -having survived not 1, not 2, but 3 separate rapes by 3 separate predators at 3 separate times in my life.

So allow that knowledge please to validate what Jon Krakauer had to say to my Charlie Rose..

he said, "i was ignorant im ashamed to say, about the seriousness of sexual assault and also how prevalent it is"

-you are not alone, Mr krakauer..  I think the majority of our population is ignorant about how serious and how prevalent.. 

So, "thank you!" for helping bring awareness..

and, as I have very recently been blogging about my experiences with PTSD..   -when I heard you also say,

"..the rate of PTSD in rape victims is HIGHER than the rate of PTSD in soldiers and marines returning from combat in Afghanistan and Iraq.."

-I am grateful to have this shared and validated.   And that is the part of this interview I'd like to specifically address because

..I have in fact given this a great deal of thought..   let me just bullet point:

1. The way I even learned I had PTSD is from watching a war veteran on TV discuss his symptoms and recognized all his symptoms as direct matches with my own..  -even though I had never myself been in a war..

that is,  war, as defined by society and colloquially understood as being in the army, navy, air force, marines..  In combat..

2. it was not until I came across a book about PTSD that I saw my freakish behaviors as symptoms.. and began the Loooooo-

very Loooooong, slow, painful, slow, long, very long, process of healing.

all that to say.. I've have given this some thought.   And I believe,

the reason  /excuse me Jesus, forgive me Jesus..  the cussing Christian is about to slip back again!

the reason rape victims  -when common citizens and not in the military..

the reason non-military rape victims experience PTSD at higher rates and perhaps more severely and for longer periods of time

Is because..

"No one prepared us for the fucking war we are in in the streets!"

-can you hear me?  Say amen..

I think.. At least when you are in the military.. Signed up or drafted..

You have some knowledge and understanding that you are in a war.  They give you a uniform. They send you to boot camp.. They warn you, prepare you, train you..

But who is telling our young women and men..  Who do not sign up for the military.. that whether you sign up or not..

You are in a war.  You are on the front lines.. In combat..

But you don't even know it.

Its the ultimate ambush.   -no prior training, no boot camp, no uniform, ..

There is a war going on in our streets, neighborhoods, on college campuses, in workplaces.. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

-and most people don't even know it.

so.. PTSD and war.. And rape..  These are all evil and horrific no matter what.. But!

It is my experience. That..   Well, when I listen to vets with PTSD..  In addition to being grateful for their noble service..  and having deep compassion for their PTSD..

my mind does also always think...  -at least you had some training.. At least you knew you were in a war...    -that freedom you are fighting for..

its not even on our own streets here in the u.s... its not in California..
its not on college campuses..

predators..enemies..  everywhere.   -the front lines of a different kind.. The ultimate ambush.

***

I am always cognizant of the fact everything I share about PTSD (and anything really) can be used both for the good; to validate and help others heal

and for evil.. when consumed by evil people with evil intentions who employ strategies based on..

So always I write in Jesus name,  in Jesus name..  My own intentions are to help..  I have no control over the intentions of who reads..

But I must address this also.  And point out I would not have written about this on my own, but only because when watching with my sister, this interview between Jon krakauer and my charlie rose..

When krakauer said, "people think it must be more traumatic being raped by a stranger who breaks in your apartment and threatens you with a gun, -its actually more traumatic, probably, to be raped by someone you trusted completely"

to which my sister said, "I don't agree..do you?"

-once again, I am embarrassed.. As I feel so overqualified to speak on the topic having been.. Yes..

Not only raped by an aquaintance I trusted..

But ALSO raped by a stranger with a gun.   -how 'bout that folks..

I can actually compare the two.. From my very own life experiences

I do not need to guess, or project, or say probably; I know.

But first.. To compare this is to compare something like losing your child to a fire, vs. A drowning, vs cancer, vs. Car accident...

it does seem common and innate in humans though to want to determine which is the very worst?  -when the end result is the same: great pain and suffering.

but, yes.  I have the opportunity to compare traumas so let me do so candidly:

for me.. my PTSD was intensified by the stranger rape.  Here's why..   I have been raped 3 times.   In the first, the rapist was found and killed in an unrelated circumstance, but.. He was found and he was dead. So he was no longer a threat.   In the 2nd rape -this rapist was found and successfully prosecuted spending 20 years in prison and then to be deported to his country of origin. -no longer a direct threat.

in the 3rd rape however..  This was a stranger whose face I only saw for maybe 1 second.  He continued kidnapping and raping and was never found or caught by the police.. That meant he could be anyone.. Anywhere.. Anytime..

and that is a very special kind of evil..  a very special kind of hell to live in....

In Jesus name I pray.. for all survivors!  And I thank every human being in the military

And I pray, that one day..  the very freedom you are fighting for everyday..

Will actually exist here in the united states of america.  -peace and freedom here at home.. What we call home.

In Jesus name.   Amen.

 

posted by SHE @ 9:00 AM