the healing powers of alden lane nursery -sandra mickanen reporting
had the traumatic event occurred prior to my healing from PTSD from previous traumas, i cannot say how i would have handled it
no. actually i do know; i would have been unable to handle it.
but, healed.. and older.. more mature, with more life experience and spiritual study under my belt..
which makes me immediately think about the younger family members (and students) effected; and how extra difficult
i am speaking of my sister in law's murder, by her own -one and only- son. my sister in law, who was a beloved elementary school teacher at the time of her death.
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my husband prepared me early on, that it might take 4 or 5 years before it went to trial.
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it is the 6th year, to the date, and the trial will start soon -without any specific date yet.
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but, i worked at alden lane nursery when she was killed. i had worked long enough there, that i had established some wonderful work-friends, customer friends, and had solid, respectful relationships with my supervisors
i worked, surrounded by the most gorgeous flowers, plants, trees.. and what a helpful environment..
my peers were cool, good people, and the customers too..
we received a beautiful sympathy card signed by everyone.. were given the time we needed to process,
i returned to work, 3 days later, if i remember correctly, and jacquie, the owner, and other supervisors, respectfully acknowledged -so sorry... your husband lost 2 family members really, didn't he.. a sister and a nephew..
i acknowledged that i appreciated their love, their thoughts, their prayers, and made a request..
'keep me busy'
and busy i kept. i gave my mind to the work at hand.. if i felt my mind distracted; i kicked into prayer mode..
retrospectively, i think it was very helpful -all the people who didn't know.
that is, when i was in the kiosk as a cashier, or the gift stores.. i was providing customer service to any number of customers who had zero idea what had recently happened..
it was business as usual.. upbeat, friendly, good..
i love joyce meyer's teaching also: get yourself off your mind.
i proactively made sure my mind was on my work; was on my customers.. was on what they were doing.. planning.. planting..
these are gorgeous flowers... nice choice! and that might start a light hearted conversation about the landscaping in their backyard.. on and on, etc.
there was a miraculous combination of receiving actual verbal condolences, hugs, love -telepathic understanding/condolences from peers who knew, and the company of customers who didn't know; who did not need to know.. [nor, did i need to know, or inquire about their suffering].
and having worked side-by-side certain people for a while; i had learned about their previous (or current) unique traumas endured, transcended..
and so, when i say 'telepathic understanding/condolences' i mean, i could exchange just glances.. looks, and there was a mutual understanding.. peers who mutually understood suffering..
suffering results in its own special bond. and a glance could say.. i know it's hard, but you'll get through this..
in short.. i look back with enormous gratitude that -
knowing of course, we wish the murder did not take place at all..
but, it did; and i am grateful i was working at alden lane nursery, with the incredible people who worked there at the same time.. and it is built-in, really, that customers shopping at alden lane.. wonderful people too.
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i repeat a couple things here. no one can or will ever be able to explain, when God does and does not intervene; it is literally, completely unknowable.
the scripture i leaned on: do all that the crisis demands, and stand firm..
we will lean on it again.. the crisis will demand we appear in court.. that we get up close and personal again, with what we've been able to keep at a healthy distance..
burden, is the trial.. the revisiting of horrific events.. seeing the violent criminal family member..
the blessing, is that the trial brings family together; family visits; and that all by itself provides a special strength.
In Jesus chain-breaking, pain-taking, way-making name.. 'peace i give to you..'
peace beyond human understanding.
amen. #love&suffering
posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 9:01 AM
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