Just B Wear -fashion for writers.. from (me!) 2014 archives #fashion
ive been saying/writing "
entering the world of fashion in 2025" like its my first time, as if i'm a novice or something, when, as you can see, i have a long history having
fun with fashions..
and see those pajama bottom animal print pants... CH's to a very,
part scary, part entertaining memory..
#encore! from (me!) sandra, topps, writeousmom
Iconics LIVE @ Mr Mojitos in San Jose! (micks! & wilsons!) and #fashion
our yard art has helped us meet so many people we would otherwise never meet.. some time ago, a passerby stopped to talk with us out front.. during the conversation -who knows how- but my husband and i mentioned loving live music..
the passerby then, -shares that he is in a band! we learn his name is tom... he lives walking distance away from us.. he's a drummer for the iconics... and he said we could find their calendar of events on facebook, but..
we don't have facebook. -we asked if he would bring a schedule by.. and "Thank You!" very much, because not only did we get to see the iconics live.. a new-to-us band..
but at a venue that we probably would never have visited without the iconics playing there..
and we love your band! and we love the venue! and we loved meeting your family too!
win/win/win...
but since 2025 is all about fashion for me.. shall we:
look at my beautiful friend 'awesome elva!' green tank, beautiful accessories, glamourous hat!
and i was comfortable hitting the dance floor in my floral mesh amazon top.. white large cuff steve madden jeans (macys); and my dansko's.. (nordstroms)
but the really fun fashion talk took place in the womens restroom..
it was while i was actually in my own stall with the door closed but my ears open..
i overheard these ladies.. how do you get your top to stay off your shoulders.. mine always slips back up..
and i was like, through the door... don't go anywhere.. i want in on this conversation... wait for me.
-and they did... and we talked about macys, nordstrom, calvin klein.. /one of the ladies worked for...
and i shared my recent swimsuit rant.. and one lady was about to travel and loved the other ladies outfit.. wish i could wear something like that to...
and she said, i'm the type that would just give this to you... do you want it for your trip?
and, one lady shared about being a breast cancer survivor.. -round of hugs.
and we just chatted up a fashion storm without ever leaving the restroom..
and they seemed really curious about my courage tattoo what does it mean? i've never seen anyone have a tattoo on their face!
and ultimately, we all exchanged some high fives.. trust me here: no one makes it to their 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's and beyond without courage. just showing up and knowing how, and being willing to still have fun is deserving of immediate and mutual respect.
and i may never see any one of these beautiful women again.. but we connected via fashion.. and they let me take their picture.. -see how different each outfit is.. each look. each hairstyle.. each sandal..
one of the blessings of getting older is that -along the way- you experiment, experiment.. and find what YOU like on YOU.. you get your very own style & vibe going on in collaboration with what's available to choose from.
"Thank You Fun Fashionable Ladies!"
we had such a wonderful evening... so much fun.
****
will just close by sharing how my husband and i, -we got a laugh out of identifying the different seasons of our life..
in our individual youths.. we danced from 9pm to 2am.. and still went to work the next, -that day.
when we met, in our 50's, at barones in pleasanton, music under the stars: 5pm-10pm..
now, 60-ish.. at mr mojitos in san jose.. 6pm-9pm...
and we are fulfilled. "cheers! & amen!" #vellumdays
two favorite words: champagne & party! thesip.com #vellumdays
did you say champagne? and party...
RSVP YES!
& extra special because it was valerie's birthday.. her and karl hosted a magnificent dinner, with inspiration from their membership with thesip.com
the founders are friends of their daughters.. and inspiring to learn about these best friend, slash, entrepreneurs..
there should be an award for those whose livelihoods combine work & pleasure.. "cheers!" that
***
but yes, altogether lovely.. valerie's charcuterie, fresh fish, spinach, salad.. the wonderful variety of bubbly.. some beautiful wines.. a lemon dump cake dessert.. everyone loved everything! and a wonderful friendship visit in their beautiful home around the dinner table, and then outdoors as the evening continued in their beautiful backyard..
blessed evening.. great memory! fun friends..
hallelujah & amen..
#vellumdays
speaking of fashion & the Magic of Macys.. meet my new GFFS (jenn! & rhonda!)
Public "Thank You's!" to Magic of Macy's, Jenn & Rhonda!
My new GFFS = God Fairy Fashion Sisters.
i was just shy of leaving with a few items i loved, and spotted a woman in front of me on the escalator.
love your skirt.. i said with a smile.
and i know sooner got the compliment out, than she was grabbing me by the hand and walking me to the section of the store that carried that very skirt! on sale! and she didn't stop until she found my size!
you have to have it.. she told me. regular $70, on sale for $20... i didn't get it myself until it was on sale.. and shared how many compliments she got earlier in the day.. how she had already helped 4 other women before me find and purchase it.
cannot ask for better customer service than that! loved her write away.. and she grabbed a couple other fun pieces for me to try on, and we chit-chatted about her outfit.. darling person, inside/outside, head to "look at those shoes!"
/ended up purchasing a pair of those too, in a different color.
anyway, she introduced me to her peer, the beautiful personal stylist, rhonda.. who brought me to the 'fancy' dressing room, brought me some water... hung up some wonderful selections for me to try..
macy's has really bumped up the service! and found exceptional sales, customer service stylists too.
gotta say, jenn & rhonda set me up perfect! with sizes, styles i love, and -within my budget..
we connected through conversations on a 'friendship' level, not just customer/salesperson..
i shared how i am entering in the world of fashion... becoming more fashion-conscious.. paying more attention, etc... student learning...
and of course! love sharing i'm a 2nd generation Magic of Macy's shopper.. how 80% of everything from my clothes, to my shoes, to my make-up, to my jewelry is from Macy's.. and love sharing how my dad used to be a buyer for Macy's.. and after he retired.. Santa for Macy's..
and who better to share all that information with! -so, by the time i did head back home, i had a pair of shorts (non-denim), cute vests, the black skirt, shoes, a dress to wear for my sister's upcoming dinner rehearsal and a dress for her wedding [my husband's look color coordinating with mine]. and 2 new GFFS..
DRESS FOR MY SISTER'S WEDDING!! let's hop, skip, jump to my favorite, favorite, dress designer
adrianna papell! -remember i am writer first and foremost.. and so, what happened is that, i grabbed dozens of dresses.. DOZENS.. and i load up my arms, and then just spend an hour in the dressing room..
when i grab the dresses to try on, it is based on a fabric, a style, a color, a look.. curious what this or that will look like on me, vs. on the hanger..
anyway.. i really do not pay attention to the label itself unless i like how it actually fits.
over and over, process of elimination.. many no's..
but it seemed like every time i did like a dress, did like its fit & feel and look.. i would then glance at the label, and be like,
adrianna papell again! until, sometime i didn't even have to guess.. i knew..
this is going to be adrianna papell.. and sure enough! so naturally, i wanted to write her a letter..
and that's when i came to understand how mislead and disappointed all those women felt, back in the day, who wrote their hearts out to betty crocker.. sang her praises, asked her questions.. handwriting long letters..
later learning: there is no actual betty crocker. it's just a brand name.
-k, -same.
there is no actual adrianna papell. -closest i could come is the CCO of.. Jaynee Berkman.
anyway, anyway.. i will be wearing an adrianna papell dress to my sister's wedding. it will be outdoors, and maybe in the high 80's.. i fell deeply in love with the fabric first & foremost.. and then the cut, style, length, feel... & look once i tried it on.
on to the joy of accessorizing...
but, for the casual.. putting this $15 floral amazon find, together with the $20 on sale cute black skirt jenn is wearing in collage above.. layer w/cute vest.. & new shoes.. looking forward to it!
TBC.
interview with the darling and beautiful fashions-on-the-street videographer: DV (double vanilla!)
me: what are you doing here? shouldn't you be in the streets of New York, Milan, Paris.. Miami?
dv: "hi stunning woman.. (giggle), heard you are entering the world of fashion this year.. thought i'd come see what you are wearing on a random monday afternoon... let's start with your glasses.. where did you get those?"
me: dollar store.
dv: and the necklace?
me: oh! gift from my husband our 1st Christmas together.. wear it everyday..
dv: it's very pretty, and your top..
me: fanatics.. got matching ones, husband/wife. we're big football fans..
dv: that's amazing.. your shorts?
me: not sure... but they were jeans and i just turned them into shorts recently with some kitchen scissors..
dv: ok.. and what about those.. shoes?
me: oh yes, these are solfish.. great mall in milpitas.. some swim shop..
and the socks were a gift from my sister..
dv: and what about that bag? is that new season?
me: vintage cost-co.. you can find them year round..
dv: and what about that anklet..
me: mother/daughter shopping trip in texas...
dv: and, what is your favorite piece you are wearing today? if you had to choose one..
me: ... of course, my necklace...
dv: and can you tell me what inspires your fashions; how you pull a look together..
me: my fashion is very place/activity inspired.. and climate.. today, for example, i'm home, indoors, and will be deep cleaning bathrooms, so the comfortable clothes and water shoes are very helpful!
dv: thank you for the interview
me: i just started watching your videos.. you are darling! kind.. with a great eye, fashion industry knowledge and perfect personality for what you are doing! would love for you to meet my friend and neighbor,
fancy nancy.. you could do an entire hour of just her fashions on any given day, in any given month.. you'd LOVE everything.. she is so gifted at layering! & accessorizing!
dv: thank you.. keep me posted on your experiences in fashion too..
me: "Thank You!" i'm all about MoM.. Magic of Macy's....
*****
doublevanilla.com
#fashion
amen & amen
****
| Tue, Jul 15, 8:01 PM (12 hours ago)
| | |
|
Aw thank you
DV
Hi DV, My name is Sandra Mickanen. I live in San Jose, California. I am just now.. age 59, entering into the 'world of fashion'
1) it brings you joy/makes you laugh
2) you visit fancy nancy link within the post. even with all you see.. she will still delightfully surprise & impress and & inspire you! -promise.
easy to see you are absolutely doing what you were put on earth to do! fulfilling a destiny.. beautiful to witness the passion/knowledge you have for the industry, and the kind heart with which you interview people.
keep up the great work! ~being you.
Blessings, Sandra Mickanen, literary & mixed media artist
Call for couple-line dance Choreographers -from (me!) robert mickanen's wifey, topps, writeousmom
follow along, k
-at our recent visit to solis winery w/friends -dancing to live music by the wonderful dustflower band out of morgan hill area..
one of the dances that brought several people to the dance floor was the popular line dance: the cupid shuffle
and when you learn them; and can remember them, and most importantly, follow along,
these are wonderful fun, community dances.. LOVE 'EM. and they get a great response.
****
AND so,
i almost always clean to music.. and today i was drinkin' my morning coffee out of my 'wifey' mug; gift from our wedding,
and the 'wifey' song came on; wifey by next.
positively LOVE this song.. sweet lyrics, excellent dance beat..
*****
that got me to thinkin' how cool it would be if NEXT would do as bryson bernard (aka cupid) did for the cupid shuffle..
create/choreograph an easy-to-follow along dance -for couples!- to do together
to the song WIFEY!
****
my imagination is always..
and so, i can see it.. clearly.. when different bands, at different venues, cover the 'wifey' song,
rather than attract individuals to do a line dance..
it attracts 'couples' of all ages, -a special song/dance set aside for couples, where the singles yield the floor..
****
don't have time, or i would do it myself.. /shesayswithasmile..
****
in any case "Thank You!" NEXT, for a great! romantic, upbeat, love affirming, super cool song that is irresistibly danceable
***
helps with energy for cleaning too... which p.s., how fun is this.. there is a song on my playlist too, called...
Classic by MKTO.. great dance song! and in it.. in the lyrics they say, ".... girl, you're topps!"
and it makes me smile so big..
***
hallelujah & amen.
****
#Behold! God is always doing new things..
hallelujah & amen
Laughing at Monsters (me!) sandra mickanen, topps, writeousmom
i do see plenty of skits in my imagination; mini sit-coms..
and my ability to see the one i did while watching this episode of the munsters..
i can finally laugh
****
the way this episode unfolds, lily starts 'sneaking around'
-grandpa makes herman extra suspicious.. and they plan to start spying on lily.
the entire storyline is based around the fear of infidelity.. herman suspecting lily is 'cheating on him'
****
and now that's a very real concern and pain for too many people.. isn't it.
turns out in this episode lily is only sneaking off to secretly work to help with the family's finances because she was lead to believe herman was broke.. but he didn't want to admit it.
****
what got me laughing, is that.. when i remembered..
well,
when i thought about how awful that entire experience is! in real life, when you think the person you love and trust is cheating on you..
and then i flashed back to my very real life; very real 1st husband.. and the very real way i was 'sneaking around'
and how -if he was suspicious.. if he thought.. the worst! that i was hiding behind his back, and when he left for work,
i left for.... some other man's house and bed.
****
if he ever thought or suspected that, i do not know. we never talked about it.
***
but when he did pretend he forgot his keys, and walked back in our apartment unexpectedly..
and he 'caught me'
it was not with another man.
it was with a bag of hostess cupcakes.
*****
and that is very funny to me write now.... like, hilarious! funny..
****
i was always sneaking off to that hostess discount bakery store... every chance i got.
****
Jesus! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.. that is so funny 40 years later isn't it.
**** yes, per the packaging; let's file this under snack classics. love it.
hallelujah & amen.
#hostess
and the WINNER IS... (robert!) for best R.O.I. on used SUV!
i've been amazed and impressed by this history since the day i learned it, some 8-ish years ago.
-this used 1997 Ford Exhibition SUV, robert bought back in.. 2011 for $5000.
-referred to sometimes as 'the beast' and/or 'the work horse'
it has transported kids for field trips, help friends move, has been packed beyond its limits for camping trips, made multiple long & short road trips, brought our graduates & all their stuff to college and back; has allowed us to keep both our bikes inside vs. bike rack, outside, on the back..
an impressive portfolio of going here and going there..
consistent 5,000/mi oil changes & tire rotations.. few repairs along the way, but..
WOW! and because it is 'used' -we could be more casual & relaxed about loading/over-loading it.. about eating in it; about where/how we park..
it only started within 2024/2025 showing signs which indicated it would cost more in repairs than it's worth.. small glitches, but multiplied.. no a/c, worn & torn interior.. inconsistencies in various mechanisms.. minor leaks..
and so, we are in the market for a new-to-us, used, SUV..
and my husband is a master at due-diligence.. research.. taking in the entire picture, looking at the long and short term.. ultimately finding the greatest value...
so, we'll be saying goodbye soon to our work horse.. and we are a little sentimental driving it for errands lately.. pet it, like its a pet.. affectionately tap the dashboard..
"Thank You!" you have served us so well....
and WOW to the R.O.I. of his original investment.. "WINNER!"
hallelujah & amen.
back to #fashion, let's talk swimsuits (again), by (me!) sandra, topps, writeousmom
prior, my favorite swimsuit was a bright cobalt-ish blue, w/a strap at the neckline that could be worn several different ways! off shoulder; around the neck in a V, two straps one side; one strap up, one down.. no straps.. and i wore it every way the designer intended.. appreciating and honoring the time, thought, creativity, energy, textile engineering, that went into creating a versatile swimsuit. "Thank You!"
i have a new favorite, and also a favorite for its versatility -of a different kind; it is reversible! -all i did was remove the tag, so now i can wear it, dark blue side out, light blue side out.. and i am a fan of the pretty stitching for its look and color contrast.
but, i am confident i speak on behalf of a very large percentage of the population when i share here two of the most...
i mean, just..
two of the most frustrating! things about swimsuits in general. and it seems, it being 2025 and all, that these ongoing issues would have already been addressed..
maybe they have, i just havent been exposed to it yet.. but i have searched...
issue 1: can someone in the industry PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! use a thicker fabric.. or, find a way to camouflage and SEW IN/PERMANENT those annoying removable breast pads!! they shift, they curl, they clump.. they fall out. it is just annoying to try and put them back in, and or, keep them in place to begin with.. i do not like the look, without them; but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, -can we please keep/maintain the coverage.. without having to fuss with those ever shifting pads.. sew them in! already.. "Thank You!"
issue 2: can someone in the industry please get the butts write! again, it is 2025, this has been going on for decade, after decade..
and while we "Thank You!" for tummy control, miracle suits, and all that..
can someone in the industry PLEASE work on a design that does not require women to use their hands/fingers 50 times a wear, pulling the fabric back down, because it is constantly creeping toward their butt crack.. slips up... pull back down.. slips back... pull out... grab one side, pull it back down.. now the other side went up.. ambidextrous motion.. pull both sides back down..
i cannot count the amount of women, or times, i observed, or had to myself.. adjust swimsuit back under cheeks.. /shesayswithasmile..
and God bless you -those of you who wear thongs and skip this issue all together..
but i am not in the market for a thong; i am in the market for a fashionable, versatile swimsuit, where, the pads are sewn into the breast part; and they stay put..
and the cut/design of the derriere portion, -also stays put...
i have my dreams. "Thank You!" in advance for helping them come true.
****
did i write thong? fun CH here..
amen
kids room to grandkids room by (me!) -grandma sandra, topps, writeousmom
our home is a wonderful empty canvas! where we enjoy a room decorated to some theme for an unknown amount of time, and then empty it; primer it, and create something new.. repeat.
our most recent transformation, repainting one of the now adult/kids room, into a grandkids room!
and giant "Thank You!" here to my husband because he did all the prep.. removing the furniture; blue taping, covering the ground, and primer for every wall + ceiling.. love you!
****
begin with vague idea.. yes, want a night sky on the ceiling -mix of colors, plus stars/moon
now, -1st plan.. place removable star stickers, paint over, remove stickers to reveal white primer star shape.. but my star stickers, turns out, didn't really remove very well.. cancel that
place star stickers over night sky... i could already see, based on my test, little corners of the stars not sticking well.. cancel that.
i used some fabric paint to QA test the look of just hand-painting the stars.. and, big YES... only, i'm not a great sketch artist, so, ordered some reusable stencils, and once they arrive, i will hand-paint stars on the ceiling.
the 'night sky' itself, i did, using 3 different blues, i mixed random.. kinda achieved a camouflaged look, and did it all with one small paintbrush. i tried a different paint brush and different stroke to test the look of swipes vs. clouded/mottled, and while i do LOVE swipe stroke look; i did not like it for the ceiling, i will employ it on the walls.
i know i am going to do the walls using outdoor colors: sky blue, yellow sunshine, green grass trees..
but i am not painting any shapes.. not painting a sky; a sunshine, trees or grass.. just using those colors, and think -guessing for now,
i will do thick vertical stripes, rotating the colors.. and want something.. not sure what.. to decorate in between with..
but, wont move to walls until ceiling is entirely done.
every bit of the process.. from thinking about it.. shopping for paints.. the actual painting.. decisions along the way.. every bit of it: JOY! JOY! JOY! including, btw, taking a few pictures along the way, and blogging about it write now: JOY!
and repeat here.. i fidget til i am pleased with the results. i am great at meeting my own expectations, but do not like trying to meet other peoples expectations. so, just decorating our own home is a great pleasure! -at my own pace.. my own way...
wow! to getting to do that! "Thank You!" prayers.. amen & amen.
Public "Thank You!" to (ross hendrick!)
fowarding these as 'random funny finds'
didn't search for them, they just showed up on my phone feed..
audible laughter... lightening the way..
Nothing new under the sun AI deception, as considered by (me!) sandra, topps, writeousmom
in direct response to news about how AI is being used by evil doers to deceive and manipulate on a global scale -my Christian perspective:
no surprise.. the Bible does mention...
but i am not a 'this is a sign of the end times' Christian. i repeat my favorite teacher on that topic is Robert Jefferies, who reminds us.. (paraphrasing):
our own individual 'end times' -that is, our individual deaths.. those are the 'end times' we should focus on preparing for...
and so, the tools evolve.. but the use of tools for good or evil, does not.
some people are using AI to create.. some to 'kill, steal & destroy..
some for fun, joy, hobby, professions..
others for deception, to control, out of hate & greed; exclusively self-seeking
****
but, what is real? is that real? truth.. is that true? our prayers to the God of truth and fidelity, our prayers for the gift of discernment should and will increase!
along with prayers for technological advances that can definitively distinguish..
what has evolved? the tools.. what has not.. the perpetual need for better and better mousetraps.
spiritual, physical, bio, digital warfare..
selah!
Psalm 37:1
Ecclesiastes 1:9
2 Corinthians 4:8-12
Humans responding to suffering and crisis and trauma by (me!) sandra, topps, writeousmom
inspired to summarize & repeat:
advantage of age, time, personal experience, 6 decades worth of observations
-having got it wrong, before i got it write.
the variable is the type of suffering, crisis, trauma
and a variable when it comes to processing/handling, or rather, not handling..
people who respond by abusing drugs; only make matters worse.
people who respond by abusing alcohol, food, -make matters worse.
people who respond by isolating/retreating -make matters worse.
even people who respond by seeing counselors [not all.. some] by re-visiting, re-visiting.. -can unintentionally make matters worse.
but people,
-too many people over too many years to itemize
people who respond with prayer -to the pain taker, way maker
people who invite Jesus in to the epicenter of their pain -with their anger, unanswerable questions, confusion, pain and suffering
people who mourn do receive comfort; can achieve & experience 'peace beyond human understanding'
-do not necessarily 'get over' but learn to 'live with..'
people with a PhD level of spiritual education and training know (and apply) this truth:
the most powerful healing response to your individual pain/suffering is to get yourself off your mind and go proactively help someone(s) else; even while you yourself are still suffering.
and people who have transcended relatable suffering will naturally reach out to people; recognizing & empathizing with their raw/shocking state.. and serve as examples that transcendence is possible with time
comfort being payed forward.. received; given/shared... pain in suffering, but beauty in this pattern.
****
love. love is a pre-requisite to any and all healing. love is a proper response 100% of the time to any/all situations -be it gratitude or suffering
God is love.
GOD IS LOVE. & where/how do any of us experience love? inside yourself. whether you are receiving; 'feeling loved.' by someone, or you are giving it away.. 'loving someone'
either way.. love itself is a 'feeling' INSIDE us, that we interpret/experience.. can identify.
in that way; God is in you.. the greater your love, the greater your expression of God; and all that God is.. love does not exist without God existing.
****
if God is good & loving.. why is there any suffering? -for some people, suffering makes them unable to believe in God
they do not credit a God for anything.. solar system, earth, oceans, landscape, plant/animal, human life.. love.. relationship between space, sun, air, water, land, -life. our planet's ability to host humanity
- i have come to understand God and love are infinite and unchangeable
-as the presence of the sun does not equal the absence of cold, dark or storms
nor does the presence of God equal the absence of hate, evil, wickedness, suffering etc.
they co-exist.. their essence does not change despite surrounding circumstances.
-does not change whether you are conscious of their existence or not..
they stay fixed, while focused attention from human hearts and minds fluctuates between dormant and conscious realization.
sun remains the sun remains the sun.. any type of weather, season after season, despite any natural disaster.. sun remains the sun remains the sun.. whether you can see it or not. whether you know a lot of facts about it or not.. whether you take it for granted; avoid it; worship it; enjoy it..
God remains God remains God.. Love remains love remains love remains love.
****
and for those who do not believe in God, -God is impervious to your non-belief,
your non-belief in no way means there is no God; it only means there is no God to you..
which brings us back over and over.. free will is free will is free will.. /Deuteronomy 30:19
i have found, even atheists can conceptualize the 'concept' of a God
that is, even atheists are able to create a vague list; distinguish between living a Godly life, or an unGodly life.. in concept. -there is an internal knowing that underlies any disagreements tied to subjective values on an imaginary itemized list..
****
what is surfacing as a result of the most recent floods in Texas; the deaths..
well, Christians are turning directly to prayer; the power of prayer
some of the secular population are mocking the very idea of prayer..
it is my testimony, life experience, decades worth of observations..
prayer is as important to our internal/spiritual lives as breath is for our outer/physical.
over and over,
cultivating a relationship with Jesus.. the Bible.. prayer..
while there are no answers for predicting or explaining why/who/what/when/type, how long, in regard to pain/suffering; physical death
there is a proven answer for responding to it: pray your truth.. confess your confusion, anger, pain, hurts, anguish, grief, be real and unfiltered.. if it hurts like hell; pray so.
invite Jesus in to the epicenter.. receive comfort from the Holy Spirit..
love. truth. gratitude. healing. helping others. -trust.. faith... hope..
over and over, the greatest is always love.
****
hallelujah & amen
the heart seen! newest addition i-spied by (me!) sandra, topps, writeousmom #theheartseen
#theheartseen
love & healing prayers for yolo county, for texas from (me!) -us! #LHPart
Public "Thank You!" for an Extra Special #4thofJuly
#vellumdays in progress..
the healing powers of alden lane nursery -sandra mickanen reporting
had the traumatic event occurred prior to my healing from PTSD from previous traumas, i cannot say how i would have handled it
no. actually i do know; i would have been unable to handle it.
but, healed.. and older.. more mature, with more life experience and spiritual study under my belt..
which makes me immediately think about the younger family members (and students) effected; and how extra difficult
i am speaking of my sister in law's murder, by her own -one and only- son. my sister in law, who was a beloved elementary school teacher at the time of her death.
****
my husband prepared me early on, that it might take 4 or 5 years before it went to trial.
****
it is the 6th year, to the date, and the trial will start soon -without any specific date yet.
****
but, i worked at alden lane nursery when she was killed. i had worked long enough there, that i had established some wonderful work-friends, customer friends, and had solid, respectful relationships with my supervisors
i worked, surrounded by the most gorgeous flowers, plants, trees.. and what a helpful environment..
my peers were cool, good people, and the customers too..
we received a beautiful sympathy card signed by everyone.. were given the time we needed to process,
i returned to work, 3 days later, if i remember correctly, and jacquie, the owner, and other supervisors, respectfully acknowledged -so sorry... your husband lost 2 family members really, didn't he.. a sister and a nephew..
i acknowledged that i appreciated their love, their thoughts, their prayers, and made a request..
'keep me busy'
and busy i kept. i gave my mind to the work at hand.. if i felt my mind distracted; i kicked into prayer mode..
retrospectively, i think it was very helpful -all the people who didn't know.
that is, when i was in the kiosk as a cashier, or the gift stores.. i was providing customer service to any number of customers who had zero idea what had recently happened..
it was business as usual.. upbeat, friendly, good..
i love joyce meyer's teaching also: get yourself off your mind.
i proactively made sure my mind was on my work; was on my customers.. was on what they were doing.. planning.. planting..
these are gorgeous flowers... nice choice! and that might start a light hearted conversation about the landscaping in their backyard.. on and on, etc.
there was a miraculous combination of receiving actual verbal condolences, hugs, love -telepathic understanding/condolences from peers who knew, and the company of customers who didn't know; who did not need to know.. [nor, did i need to know, or inquire about their suffering].
and having worked side-by-side certain people for a while; i had learned about their previous (or current) unique traumas endured, transcended..
and so, when i say 'telepathic understanding/condolences' i mean, i could exchange just glances.. looks, and there was a mutual understanding.. peers who mutually understood suffering..
suffering results in its own special bond. and a glance could say.. i know it's hard, but you'll get through this..
in short.. i look back with enormous gratitude that -
knowing of course, we wish the murder did not take place at all..
but, it did; and i am grateful i was working at alden lane nursery, with the incredible people who worked there at the same time.. and it is built-in, really, that customers shopping at alden lane.. wonderful people too.
****
i repeat a couple things here. no one can or will ever be able to explain, when God does and does not intervene; it is literally, completely unknowable.
the scripture i leaned on: do all that the crisis demands, and stand firm..
we will lean on it again.. the crisis will demand we appear in court.. that we get up close and personal again, with what we've been able to keep at a healthy distance..
burden, is the trial.. the revisiting of horrific events.. seeing the violent criminal family member..
the blessing, is that the trial brings family together; family visits; and that all by itself provides a special strength.
In Jesus chain-breaking, pain-taking, way-making name.. 'peace i give to you..'
peace beyond human understanding.
did you say champagne? and party... 
Public "Thank You's!" to Magic of Macy's, Jenn & Rhonda!
me: what are you doing here? shouldn't you be in the streets of New York, Milan, Paris.. Miami?
follow along, k
.jpg)
