Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Powerful Internal Experiences for (me!) sandra, tvgp

i will return soon to write about Washington and share more pictures;  writing now so this recent experience doesn't escape.    I was originally going to share it exclusively with my psychologist daughter, but..  will surprise no one i'll write here first; then share..

bullet points only

1983ish  -as is already well documented I was ambushed by evil forces. kidnapped at gunpoint/raped.

I will not spend 20 pages telling you how often people   -not meaning to..  not meaning to, but..
how often I was told had I only done this, or that..  why didn't I?

like,  -I had to feel even worse because I didn't handle being ambushed at gunpoint  -the correct way.

   -for instance

why didn't I scream?  

well, I can't be sure..    I only know that what I did, was  -freeze in shock and total silence; follow orders given by angry man with gun at my temple


so, in addition to the trauma, ptsd, etc.    it played on my heart and mind..      why didn't I scream?

and,    -fast forward...

and i'd give anything if I could on my own remember   -when?    months later.... years...   a whole decade?  I don't remember the when, I remember the what:

I had a dream, which I can still recall in detail, but bullet point here:    essentially, my brother, my sister and myself   -we were slowly seduced by this cult...   these red robed wearing eastern religion looking people..   and it involved an eventual chase..    and we were trying to escape..   and at some point

I wake myself up screaming very loud.

and, my personal interpretation at the time..      like,   wow!  that was the scream that didn't come out when it was supposed to..

a very belated scream.


I never interpreted the dream beyond being very weary of cults, and anyone wearing red robes..   shaved heads..    those kind of things.      -with caution...     red robes =  caution.



fast forward again...  decades!

to, just the other night of 2019.

and i'm watching expedition unknown, I think it was..      and see some monks...  and those red robes.. etc.,

and, I've seen them on tv, in books, etc. over the years with a kind of indifference I suppose,


like..    an epiphany of a very new and spiritual kind,   -in my imagination, I see the monks from my dream long, long, long ago..  the very ones that caused me to scream

but this time we look at each other with great respect and esteem

and no words are exchanged, but a telepathic understanding is exchanged

and I get to learn that, well..

we knew you needed to release that scream,  so we helped you...

-they never meant any harm at all; they only helped.


wild.  to me...    a wild, powerful internal experience; so brief, with such a long history, but I am changed forever in unexplainable ways, and in unquantifiable amounts.


In Jesus name,   and with gratitude to the monks..     amen.


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